Recycling

I have always found great joy in recycling.

My new goal is to minimize the amount of non-recyclable trash. The Ann Arbor recycling center takes a few more items than our fair city. My approach is to set up different bins in the garage for everything from mixed paper- junk mail, used paper etc., Styrofoam- take away containers, packaging, etc., plastic bags (we have too many of those), corrugated cardboard, batteries, light bulbs, egg cartons, and so much more!

I would like to get down to one small bin of non-recyclable trash for our family of five per week.

We are also working towards converting all our house lighting to eco-friendly energy efficient light bulbs.

We are also going to be purchasing terra passes for our cars www.terrapass.com My car puts out over 18,000 lbs. of CO2 a year. Ouch!

Another small thing is taking the kids on garbage pick up walks. Thanks to our neighbor Michelle as inspiration.

I will post my progress on the garbage challenge.

my trip

It has been a week since I got home from my trip and much has happened. So only now do I feel like writing.
When I got home it was like a whirlwind of activity. My mother in law had come down to help with the kids while I was gone. I got home Wednesday night and my father in law came out Thursday night to pick her up and to see the kids. They spent the night (Donn and I went to go see HP and the power went out right at the good part at the end) Friday morning we took the kids out to get toys a t the Five and Dime for their birthday's. The bean's birthday was that Friday and they were making up for missing the monkey's bday. My brother and his family came out Friday morning to spend the night so we could take them to the airport Saturday early afternoon- they were moving to Florida. That in itself is kind of weird. The build up to their departure was hard on my mom but now that it is behind up things seem to be mellowing out. My in laws, who are just great I must say, left Friday afternoon. That Sunday I taught from 1-5 then had a consult that evening. Then Monday morning the monkey started his 2 week art and drama camp. 9-5 M-F for 2 weeks. Crazy. Good to have time alone with the bean. She is napping all of a sudden. She needs the break.
Monday news came that a family friends daughter who has been fighting leukemia since January had passed. She was just a baby. They had taken her home for hospice care on Friday. It was very sad.
Tuesday and Wednesday I was really ill but still taught. I love Advil cold and sinus. Tuesday night was really bad- hardly got a wink of sleep. Wednesday the bean was kind of on her own and she did a job of trashing the family room :) but she let mama nap and take a long bath to try to get rid of the snots. Doing good now.
Went grocery shopping for the first time in a few weeks today. Cleaned out the fridge and the pantry (much needed) and the bean is napping.
So, the trip. The drive was long but nice. I only got kind of antsy since from Chicago to St. Louis there is A LOT of corn fields. I listened to Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys on books on CD. I had two other books but the one got me down there and a third of the way back.
I was very excited to get to the hotel although it was very busy- two weddings, a hs reunion and a family reunion were going on. I was lucky enough to have my own room for the trip. I looked into room sharing but my only option was to share a 2 king room with 3 other women i did not know. The organization I work for paid for the room and the woman I work with said that she would not ask me to do anything she would not do and she would not share a room with 3 other women she did not know. It was really nice to have a room to myself. I had a wee anxiety attack the first hour or so being away form my family. But my dear lovely friend Chucki who lives in St. Louis invited me to come out and meet him and two friends he had in visiting from Chicago for sushi and wine. It was so good to see Chucki. I don't think I had seen him since the monkey was born. Chucki was the first friend to come over and meet the monkey- he brought me tapioca pudding that day ;). Chucki lives in the cutest neighborhood, the architecture was beautiful. My goal is to get the whole family down to visit him sometime soon. That was a highlight of the trip.
Sunday morning I slept in, took my time getting up and ready for the day. I went walking around looking for the conference- found it and decided to go back to my room to read a great book a good friend had sent me the week before I left- The Gypsy Chronicles. It turns out the author lives in my town. I read for a bit then ended up meditating for over an hour. I have not been able to do that in years. It was great to just let my mind go.
Sunday at 2pm the training began. It went until 9pm Sunday. Then Monday 8am to 9pm and Tuesday 8am to 9pm and Wednesday 8am to noon. Then home I drove again.
The training was good. It was the third time I have sat through a Doula training (part of the trainer training is to sit in on others teaching a doula training). This one was taught by Kathy McGrath and Penny Simkin (a big name in the birth world). Kathy has a background as a social worker so she crafted emotional work into the training that I thought was very interesting. Penny is in her late 60's I would say, short and very spunky. I learned a lot about my work and even more about myself on this trip. The second night I was really missing my family. Fortunately the training kept me busy.
Some of the emotional work that came with the training brought up some things that I was not aware of. Well, maybe I was but I did not understand how much it was weighing on me. One activity was to think of a time that you needed to ask for help then you had to tell it to the person you were paired up with. The training is mostly women and many of us had a hard time admitting when we needed help. It was a two way activity of understanding how difficult it is for some to ask for help then also of active listening. There were a few other activities of this sort that led up to an activity called the ideal birth. In this activity you draw or write what your ideal birth would be. Mine was to have Donn be the primary person with me and to have some good friends in the house with me. It was not traditional as most- others were more specific of type of care provider, h2o birth, whatever.
This activity hit a chord with me. Although the beans birth by all means was perfect, there were some missing points. One in particular is that I really wanted Donn to be with me- I never asked that of him because I thought he didn't want to be there. Now I know that he would have been there for me and been great if I just asked. But where we were at that time was not the best place for such communication. I really wanted him there for me. I didn't feel the support that I wanted in that pregnancy from those close to me. Even with my midwives I thought it was lacking. I remember my midwife complaining that she had a headache when she did the newborn exam. They were only there 3 hours. (i didn't call them until right before she came out) It really is true that moms remember little details from their births. It was mostly because I didn't ask for what I needed. I don't even know if I knew for sure what I wanted- but I think I just wanted to have it feel special. I was to busy being polite instead of asking for what I wanted.
I know I should be content that the birth was straight forward and the bean is fine. I do feel guilty about critiquing how it went and how I wish it could have been. It does lead to a bigger picture though. One thing is how I communicate with Donn- I think it really would have made a difference in many things if I just told him that I needed him and that I wanted him to be there for me. It makes me think about those close to me in the big picture and how these relationships function.
Another light bulb that went off on this trip is that I am by nature a pretty quiet person. In having kids I have forced myself to be more social and chatty- which makes me more crazy, hyper sensitive and anxious. I like things simple and slow. I like to be in my head. I told Donn about this when I got home and his response was equivalent to- DUH (he concurred that I changed in being a mother).
It was bizarre to be away from my family for that time. It was nice to put a wedge in running on auto pilot trend that I have been functioning in for way too long. It was wonderful to come home though. The drive home was long but good- going in the right direction. It gave me a great appreciation for the trees in Michigan. It also makes me want to move to the K-zoo area from mid state to the west side of the state. I have friends that are planning on moving to K-zoo, I would love to live near them.
Arthur is over and now the bean and I are going for a walk.

in just a few days i will be driving states to st. louis for a training and spending 4 nights along in a hotel room.

the lasts time i spent more than a day away from my family (which is usually for a birth) was when sam was 2.5 years old and i was working from sun up 'til sin down for credits for massage school and that was 4 days. Donn and i together have spent only one night away from our kids and that was when sam was 2 and it ended up only being for 18 hours. and the last and only real vacation we have taken since we have been married was when sam was 2, up in traverse city with my brother, his wife and my mom.

the thought of being away for almost 5 days by myself and knowing i will have down time is exciting and nerve wracking. tonight i was thinking about the last time i was able to let my mind stop, i could not come up with "the last time". it has always been buzzing with thoughts of the kids, work, money, school, money, donn, dinner, laundry, bills, to do lists, etc. so many times i have wanted to shut off and run away just to hear my own thoughts.

very rarely do i get the house to myself but when i do it is amazing- i feel normal again even if just for an hour. but a hotel room to myself for 4 nights- no screaming children, grumpy grown ups, everyday drama, the laundry will not be looking at me, and the bills will not me call for me- what will i do? stop. breathe.

i know i will miss my family very much with an ache in my heart for them. but now i miss myself and my thoughts. the simple things that get lost in the craziness of a struggling young family.

i was a creature that loved my quiet time, preferring it to socializing with others. now i crave interaction with others, "adult time", but more i crave my quiet alone time.

i am looking forward to it but with hesitation.

MARBLES!!

My grandmother was the marbles champion of Minnesota when she was a young girl. I remember growing up and admiring the plastic trophy she displayed in her living room with the winning marble in it still. She and I would play in on her floor at family gatherings. I have two boy cousins and my brother so often I was left with nothing to do.
The kids and I went and had lunch with my grandparents, who are 90 and 87 now. I asked my grandmother what the rules of marbles were and she could not remember. I really want to teach Sam so here is what I found.
ANYONE UP FOR A NIGHT OF MARBLES AND BEER? (I need practice too)
(and yes, there is a for real competitive tournament http://marbles-american.org/default.htm)

AMERICAN MARBLES RINGER RULES

Midwife at Auschwitz

The following an amazing and inspiring story of Stanislawa Leszczynska. It is disturbing to read but portrays strength, conviction and hope in the face of hell and despair. I am so lucky and blessed for my children, the life I have been given and the opportunity to do the work I do.

This is not just a story it really happened.

Midwife at Auschwitz

today is my birthday. i am 32 although i do not feel a year older because i have been thinking i am 32 for most of the last year. so i am just 32 again.
it was a day of catching fish in a net, leeches in a bucket and sunburned cheeks. ella got stung form picking up a dead bee- poor nugget.
my dad took me out to joes crab shack (my choice since the kids were with me and donn had school). it was good although i found out the hard way that if you go to joes crab shack for your birthday they make you have you put on a hat, hawaiian shirt and hoola hoop in front of the whoel restaurant as they sing you happy birthday. it was very painful and my dad took photos.

"Responsibility is an invitation to give what you can because you can. Compassion is the art of pure feeling. Friendship is meeting yourself in another form and holding on. "
-taken from Little Big Minds by Marietta McCarty

"Loving friendships provide us with a space to experience the joy of community in a relationship where we can learn to process all our issues, to cope with differences and conflict while staying connected"
-Bell Hooks, All About Love (quoted in Little Big Minds)

Philosophy and children a natural match. Children are still able to look at the world in such a way to make philosophizing a natural event rather than forced or uncomfortable. Being able to talk about death, love, god, friendship matter of factly without the hang ups and the baggage that we as grown ups usually do. Really most grown ups just don't.

In homeschooling my children I have struggled int he past year to figure out what is the right path for me and my children. Traditional formats I have found (from Sonlight to Oak Meadow) do not work as I am scattered and cannot adhere to a set curriculum. By my personality free flow order I found works best and the kids like it too. but it needed a focus. I am a thinker, analyzer, obsessive person- which if not tamed could be my down fall, but harnessing it into something that could help my children grow and thrive in this culture could be a great gift.

I was beginning to lose hope on finding a path that worked for us. But a client of mine mentioned this book at an appointment- Little Big Minds. She had hear the author interviewed on NPR a day previous and thought of me immediately. She, being an educator her self, has credit in my book as someone who might know a thing or two about the subject of teaching kids.

I ordered the book and it sat for a couple of weeks on my desk and on my to do list. I picked it up last night and read the intro and browsed through the book in it entirety and I love it. I cannot wait to jump in and play around with it with my kids.

It is not a format or curriculum. It is just a way of looking at the world and how to apply it to children. The biggest thing with me and my kids in their younger years is I don't know how to relate to them. I know that sounds odd but I am not a good "player'. Meaning I don't play well. I try to work on it but little kids and me are a challenge.

I was chatting with someone recently about this and she shared with me that generally there aree two types. Those who are good with their kids when they are young and not so much when they are older and the opposite. I am the opposite.

This book is opening my eyes to how to engage with my super chatty son and maybe how to reign in my fiery daughter. Also it seems to open my eyes to step out of survival mode of parenting/working/life and "be" with my kids and others.

i finally down loaded my photos which oddly i hate doing. i am convinced i am doing it the most difficult way possible. but i have pictures to share.

first i will share my evening. i had a barter thing going on tonight of massage for reiki. during the massage or reiki, i dont remember, he had mentioned this modality called gwa-sha . it sounded interesting and he offered for me to come over after the reiki trade and he would work on my back. it was very painful but my back feels great after. on the side i look like i have been dragged on my back behind a truck.as i mentioned a few posts ago we put in a pond a couple of weeks ago. now it has plants, tadpoles, fish and more rocks but i do av a picture of the first night after we made it. i will take pictures of how it looks now ans post them later.

it looks even better with all the plants and stuff. if you are in town stop by and check it out!!

another development this week that i found interesting- i went back to the dr. whom had terrible bedside manner and freaked me out a bit, triggering a whole bunch of old shit. in this visit my blood work was fine (not dying of anything that the blood tests and a bit off pee can see) and i asked him about homeopathics (this is why i go to him - the only dr. covered by my ins that knows homeopathics) , constitutional remedies to be exact. i have been interested in what my constitutional remedy is, due to my moodiness, joint issues, anxiety and ______ (anyone who knows me can fill in the blank with something that could be fixed, i am sure). Upon asking he pegged me immediately as calcarea carbonica (calc carb). described as -

This remedy is made from calcium carbonate, which is derived from the oyster shell. The type of person needing this remedy is quiet, cautious and very sensitive. Generally they are very healthy and enthusiastic in their work. In contrast, when they become ill, they become introspective and lacking motivation.

The Calc. carb type is generally plump, chilly and under-active. Perhaps due to a slow metabolism, they are sluggish and have a shy contemplative nature. They tend to be unambitious and non-competitive and are great procrastinators. They lack confidence and avoid responsibility.

They can have a big appetite with a liking for sweets, cakes and eggs and be overweight. They are easily tired and can suffer with head sweats or joint abnormalities.

Weak areas of the body include the bones and teeth, bowels, ears, nose and throat, glands and skin

Calc. carb is often used to treat back and joint pains, headaches, ear or eye infections, eczema, thrush, digestion, PMS.

this might explain my dr.'s obsession with my weight. i dont fit the description all around but when i took it the next day it was like someone gave me an antidepressant. it is pretty neat. i am feeling different in a good way. like someone cleared a layer of sludge off my brain. unfortunately i cannot take any remedies for at least a week after taking the calc carb 1M so no arnica 200 for my back which was a bummer today. but i would rather feel like being nice to my kids and have back pain than the other way around.

these are our geckos having sex-

our cool sandcastle-

my daughter :)

chinese labor herbs from a birth a couple of months ago-


that is the photo update from whooville. ;)

so i have picked up knitting again hence i am up at 1:13am knitting. it is a bit obsessive for me. so knitting is a dangerous hobby for me.
this time i am trying a pattern- yes you heard correctly i am going to try to follow instructions. here is the pattern . there is also an adult version that i will try if this first one goes well. BUT... i got stuck on the box stitch and casting more stitches on. damn. luckily i am hanging out with stitchy folk tomorrow at the lake so maybe i will be able to resolve this issue. if not i will have to track someone down to help me.

mulch- i am tired of mulch. the pile that has been taking up a quarter of our driveway for the past few months, making us the undesirable neighbors, is down to a fifth of its former self. my back can tell you who has been doing most of the dispersal. but the pond looks awesome. i added three bags of pea gravel and a few bigger rocks for accent and mulched the surrounding area. the back yard actually looks nice, just dont look to the east side that is still a bit lacking.
the recent issue is how to evict the earwigs from my garden donn sent me the following info:

Attract Natural Enemies
While toads and lizards love to eat earwigs, the European earwig has at least two specific natural insect enemies in the U.S., a tachinid fly (Bigonicheta spinipennis) that was imported in the Northwest in 1924 and the parasitic fly Digonichaeta setipennis. In good years these parasites attack and kill over 1/3 of the earwig population. These flies look very much like common house flies, perhaps a tiny bit larger.

You can attract these flies by planting the following plants near the area where the earwigs have been a problem in the past.
Anise (Pimpinella anisum)
Buckwheat (Fagopyrum esculentum)
Coreopsis (Coreopsis tinctoria)
Cosmos (Cosmos bipinnatus)
Dill (Anethum graveolens)
Fennel (Foeniculum vulgare)
Golden marguerite (Anthemis tinctoria)
Painted daisy (Chrysanthemum coccineum)
Tansy (Tanacetum vulgare)

now the question is do i really want the flies and then the question is will any of these plants grow in our clay shit soil in the shade....hmmmm. what do you think.

also i want:

ANGELICA
Angelica archangelica B/PS-Sh/5-6 ft. $3.00
Resembles celery somewhat and has a similar fragrance. Its stem is stout, round,
hollow, and purplish in color, and divides into many branches. Best known for
making candy from

PARTRIDGEBERRY
Mitchella repens (Squaw Vine) P/SH/4”to12”
Creeping vine with small evergreen leaves. Has fragrant white tubular flowers. (for a trellis i built in the back)

SAGE, LYRE LEAVED (CANCERWEED)
Salvia lyrata P/PS-Sh/18 in. $3.00
This native plant found in woods and clearings has pale blue flowers and red veined
leaves.

WOODRUFF, SWEET
Asperula odorata P/P-Sh/5 in. $4.00
A beautiful ground cover for shady places, with whorls of light green leaves and
many tiny white flowers. The leaves have no odor when first picked, but when
even slightly dried they have an aroma of vanilla and new-mown hay.

waiting for babies.
the time has come- i am itching to go. also i am preferring homebirths lately. i am just not into the shadow and complications that go into even the simplest hospital birth. and the one i am sitting on right now has its share of bumps in the road going in. either way i need to go check out form the day to day and get the little reminder of the grand miracle of life.

then i am off call for a wee bit and very much looking forward to it. well i am off call but kind of on call for my sister in law in bad axe. which i feel very blessed and honored that she would want me there. this is big daddy's brothers wife. my family thinks i am a kook so although they have given lip service of support when the time comes they stop talking to me for the duration of gestation and immediate postpartum.

so in the news -
decreasing rates of circumcision
sad closing of another birth center

recommended read (even for the non birth junkies :)
Born in the USA

it is a chilly spring morning after the sweltering heat of last week it is a nice break. although it is supposed to by 92 next tuesday! we plan on taking advantage of the weather and hitting the zoo today. i have a love hate thing with the zoo. i love going and i hate how sad the concept of caged animals is. but it is what it is. i really love the butterfly house and amphibiville at the detroit zoo. i could really skip everything else. if my brother moves to flordia for his possible new job then we will actually be able to take vacations down there. if so i would love to take the kids to check out the manatees.

i took my dad out for his 60th birthday last night. i used to do date nights with my dad more often but then ...marriage...children....busy. we went to hamtramck to the polish village cafe for dinner. it was great. cozy little basement eating. and inexpensive, two full dinners with salad and two beers each for $27. cant beat that. then it was off to roller derby! he was a troop and got into it. we sat in the seats for a bit but then i talked him to sitting on the floor. a few times we got close to being kicked in the head with a skate.

dolphins born tail first- the umbilical cord snaps as the head is born and they nurse for at least 2 and up to 7 years old. sexually mature at 10.

elephants gestate for 2 years and nurse for 5 years. stay with their mother until 13.

we watched this show about animal birth and i was very disturbed at the amount of intervention the humans performed in the birth and post partum. and at one point you could see the mama trying to climb a fence to get to her baby who was being guided to walk right away by humans in the bright florescent lights of the building as the narrator explains that elephants has poor eye sight at birth but usually elephants are born at night so they have time usually to adjust. heavens to betsy cant we ever just sit on our hands.

everything is illuminated
good movie- check it out.
http://wip.warnerbros.com/everythingisilluminated/

i want the sound track.

i am diggin on eugene hutz who was in the above movie. not only is he very attractive but he is a musician. gongol bordello http://www.gogolbordello.com/
listen to it here http://www.myspace.com/gogolbordello

and they are coming to detroit july 14th! that would be a fun date night..hint hint.

a good day is good to have- it gives me hope that i am not totally ruining my children.

the bean and i got up at 6:30 for some reason this morning. but even with that the day went ok. it was the last day of sams homeschool connection class. then after that we went to the lake with our lovely neighbor. it is summer ot me now. we have been to the lake. it was lovely and refreshing after sweating all day. the bean was all about it and sam was like a mini donn worried about her clucking about her (not that donn clucks). then ice cream at tuckers! summer all the way!

today was the day of the comfrey oil i have been meaning to make for a friend. it turned out beautifully. It is dark green and strong smelling. there was enough for me, my friend and one other. i find great satisfaction in doing such things. ans i got free bottles from the apotheke in depot town. you cant get better than that. now to go look up ALL the uses for comfrey oil!!! that post will follow.

looking forward to hanging out with the ladies tomorrow.

the universe is very odd sometimes. i am going out of town from july 21-25/26 and i thought i was going to be financially tight this summer but i have ad folks hire me in august knowing i will be gone and last night i got an email from a woman who is due right before i leave but due to a health issue will be induced before her due date- so i could take her as a client. so, so weird.

very needed though since i had to drop $1000 into my car a few weeks ago and i have to drop another $1000 sometime this summer. thats why i love my mechanic he makes it reasonable (as can be) for us to get our car fixed. there is no way i could have dumped $2000 in one sitting. this way at least i can kind of plan for it. ugh. Orion Auto check it out http://www.orionautomotiveservices.com/ He kicks ass!!!

i came across this http://placentabenefits.info
this morning on the midwifery today enews. it is really interesting. i havent had a chance to read through the whole site but i really agree with this- eating encapsulated placenta that is. it is some potent stuff. makes me think about bigger concepts of how we as humans have disturbed the natural process of things. it has an anthropology section in its research- i am really looking forward to reading that.

it is supposed to be 90 degrees today. summer is here and accordingly we are skipping soccer practice and going to the lake damn it. whoohoo. sam wanted to go yesterday but i had to work last night so no go. he was very sad about that. tears even.

when it rains it pours. i have 4 births lined up from july 30-august 24 not including helping out with the homebirths as a assistant. deep breath and know it will all work out ok with careful planning and good backup. the money is much needed so it is not like i could say no if i wanted to.
there is one doula birth and one homebirth in june both due on the same day actually. i find that more comforting for some reason. like if they are due on the same day they are less likely to go on the same day. weird logic but it works for me.
i am hoping to get away with the kids for a few days to fenton. i desperately need to unplug from life. my stress level is too high and my adrenals are shot. i can really feel my health deteriorating from stress. i dont like that.
i went to a chiropractor to try to get my back fixed just to find out she is not in my network actually she is not accepted by blue care ad she knew that but had the first visit anyway. and went on to recommend nutritional counseling without telling me that it would be an additional cost and not covered by insurance at all if i went forward with the nutritional plan. she is a very nice woman but a little too heavy on the business savvy crap. kind of a turn off in my world. also it turns out she does a much more aggressive "webster technique" than i had done by my other chiro. and my back went out again the next day.
i really do not like working with health insurance companies. it drives me nuts. i have to call them for something else too. dreading having to do grown up stuff.

my friend told me about the Flying Spaghetti Monster and i am very excited to look further into this http://www.venganza.org/ check it out.

life needs to slow down. i want to get off for a bit. just a bit. life seems like it might ease up in june. thats too far. i was saying april a few months ago. everyday all day full. i love everything i am doing so there is nothing to cut out and it is not all for me there are the kids activities too.

yesterday sam said to me "mom i dont want to grow up, i want to stay a kid" my reply "me too". growing up is very overrated. i have become one of those painfully stressed people. i never thought i would become one of those tension headache folks.

i was chatting with my mother the other day about my career and where it is going (i dont know the answer to that). the homebirth on thursday was absolutely lovely. i loved it. oddly enough i loved the support role i ended up in. i liked that i could focus on the mother and not worry about the more technical things. i think i would like to know about the technical things and get good at them but i loved just sitting behind the mother and being there for her in the way she needed at that time. it was a nice affirmation that i am good at what i do. it is harder to get a feeling for that in a hospital birth because there is so much other stuff going on with protocol and the like.

with all my free time i got an itch to write a book, with my two partners in crime of course. about birth of course but with a sassy angle for thinking folks. informative with honest humor and cultural debunking. we are planning down the line if the birth project keeps going putting together a best of book. but this other one..... it would be damn good if i could get my head around it. cultural deprogramming thats the catch.

the birth project issue II went out last week. whoohoo. when i dropped it off at the printer they actually looked surprised to see us back. i guess there must be a lot of folks who start projects like this that fizzle out. my mother was shocked that i am actually organized about this and a wee bit of a hard ass on folks getting things done. we already have stuff for issue III some stuff that didnt fit into II and some new. anyone out there reading this if you want to write something we would love to read it. if you have no clue what i am talking about go to www.thebirthproject.com

today is my grandma june's (formerly estranged step-grandmother who now is suffering from dementia and alzheimer's) 90th bday party. after that i am off to see my old hs friend who is preggers. so exciting. then roller derby tonight (the whole family better go). uu in the morning. 2pm consult tomorrow and rollerskating tomorrow night. somewhere in all that i need to finish module 4 and put the evaluations together. i finished my dona births so now it is all the paper work and send it in (almost done!!) i am supposed to be doing neonatal resuscitation certification in a week and a half. i dont know if i am going to be able to do it though, i have to see how far i get on dona and the alace crap. if i can get dona done and mailed and the modules mailed relatively soon i might be able to do the nrc.

on the home front. my momis all for making a recycling center in the garage. it has been my plan for...well since we bought the house. all of a sudden she is getting all environmental. its great!!! she still is not a big fan of the compost but we are talkinga bout getting worms (that would need to be in the house, where i dont know, but i dont think she will be too keen on that. cross that bridge when we come to it.

thinking about having the kids share a bedroom and having a playroom. when will i do this...when i get time. hopefully before they leave for college ;)

theres the update more or less. k.

we were going to take sam to the toledo zoo today for his birthday. donn was home form work due to saturdays minor flooding and that it is sams birthday. it has been lovely weather - great for a winter trip to the zoo but today we awoke to snow and cold.
we were half way to toledo as we passed cabela's. donn had the great idea of trying to talk sam into going to cabelas rather than the zoo. warmth and dead animals or freeze our butts off to see sad live animals. so warm it was.
looking closely at the stuffed animals (that was fun trying to explain taxidermy to sam) i notices that they had remarkably realistic anal sphincter, obviously sculpted. it got me to thinking of a fellow sitting is his dusty workshop stuffing a buffalo carefully sculpting an anus to finish of his creation. for some reason in my imagination the fellow was chatting away on the phone meticulously working away knowing that someone might actually look carefully at the bum of the stuffed buffalo. and i did.

Sam’s Coming

It was Saturday the sixth of January. My mother had flown back to Texas six days earlier. She had hoped that Sam would choose to arrive while she was visiting for the holidays, but she was not so lucky. Everyone was hoping that he would come on the New Year or before, for tax purposes or to be the first baby of the real millennium. Sam was stubborn though and came when he was ready. That morning our friend who lives downstairs Amanda had brought a book up that had a recipe for a belly cast which I had wanted to do but didn’t know how. I looked it over and got very excited. Unfortunately after calling all the medical supply stores within fifty miles, I found they were all closed until Monday. The strong desire to preserve the beautiful belly I grew for nine months lead me to find a way to do a body cast somehow. Donn and I went to down town Ann Arbor to search for a medium that would work. We had no luck. We did have a wonderful afternoon though and we got eat at Red Hot Lovers. That evening we met a friend for dinner at Gianni’s, the local greasy spoon. I was so large I hardly fit in the booth. On the way home from dinner we stopped in at the local coffee shop Vinyl Joes to say hello. As I babbled through our days happenings I mentioned the belly cast and the supplies that we couldn’t get, and how I was a week overdue and down to the wire on time. Much to my surprise Paul, a friend of Donns mentioned that he had what we needed but he couldn’t get it until Sunday morning. At that point Sunday was so much better Monday. So we decided that I would call him at nine the next morning. I was so excited that I was going to be able to have my belly forever.

That Saturday night was quiet like all the others, but my braxton-hicks contractions were more frequent than usual. I was not too alarmed but I mentioned to Donn that we should probably go to bed early tonight. That was at ten thirty. By twelve thirty I put my book away and unplugged the Christmas lights that hung above our bed. Donn was still on the computer. I had been saying for months that Sam would either come on the new moon, which was December twenty-fifth, or he would arrive on the full moon, which was January ninth. At two thirty in the morning I was awakened to a sharp pain, not unbearable but defiantly noticeable. Donn was still on the computer. At that time I told him to go to bed, knowing that it would be awhile but he would need his rest. From that point I didn’t sleep much. I watched television and tried to pass the time. At four thirty in the morning woke Donn and asked him if I should call our doula Heather. I think I was looking for someone to tell me what to do. So I proceeded to page Heather. When she called back I felt bad for waking her up so early, although she reassured me that I should not. I was pretty sure that it was going to be awhile so I told her that she need not come out but I did ask her for suggestions on what if anything I should do. She told me that I did need to try to sleep, eat, and move fluids through my body to stay hydrated. She also suggested that I have Donn go to Whole Foods when they open and get me some scull cap to help me sleep.

Up to that point my contractions were about seven minuets apart on average, and they lasted for about thirty-five seconds. I didn’t think they were that bad they were more annoying than painful. I was also tired at that point. I woke Donn at eight thirty so he could get to Whole Foods at nine, when they opened. He was a bit fuzzy when he left but he completed his mission. The scull cap allowed me a little fitful sleep, but at that point any sleep was good sleep.

Donn called Paul that morning to get the belly cast supplies. Heather had reassured me that I would still be able to do the cast. When Paul dropped off the supplies I was in the bedroom, I wasn’t much for entertaining at that time. When he left we started to make the cast, I was so happy at that time. I had three contractions through the process. When it was done I looked at it and realized for the first time how big I was. Growing in pregnancy is such a gradual process that it is hard to grasp how large (and beautiful) you become.

The making of the belly cast was the high light of my early labor. The rest of Sunday is a blur of contractions, and trying to get comfortable. Donn and I got a craving for McDonalds that evening so we satisfied the urge. That was the last real meal I ate before Sam was born.

We had been keeping in touch with Heather through out the day but finally at eleven thirty that night we decided that she should come over to the house. I was getting tired and so was Donn, and things were picking up a bit. When she arrived we were watching the discovery channel, some program on Egypt. After that was a program on piranhas, I remember that very vividly. Donn went to rest for a bit after the piranha show, Heather stayed up with me for a bit. Luckily she did because shortly after Donn had gone to rest I threw up the McDonalds that I had eaten earlier. Donn doesn’t handle the product of throwing up very well, in sight or smell. Heather suggested that I try to get some rest, and she would crash for a bit on the couch. I warned her about our little friends that had taken refuge from the hard winter in our kitchen behind the refrigerator, so if she heard something, or saw something that she wouldn’t be surprised.

I don’t remember sleeping very much or very well that night. My contractions had stayed the same distance apart since they began; they started to get a bit harder. At five in the morning Heather suggested that we might go to the hospital. Donn and I got the bags and the body pillow and loaded it into the Saturn. I can remember almost every bump and pot hole in the road from our house to the hospital. It was that nice early in the morning time when no one is really out yet. That made for a very short commute.

We made our way to the fourth floor where the triage desk was. The nurse was very helpful and they were able to get us into a triage room immediately. The midwife that was on duty was nice, she was also pregnant. She was not one of the three midwives that I had seen in my prenatal visits, but she made me very comfortable, the nurse on duty was also very easy to interact with. The nurse had made a comment that I looked like I had a ten pounder. The midwife told her that she should never say that to a mother that has begun labor. It didn’t bother me though; I already knew this was going to be a big boy.

They had me pee in a cup and then they strapped me to the fetal monitor. I didn’t like that much, it was uncomfortable during contractions lying on my back. The midwife also checked my cervix for dilation. Disappointingly I was only at one. She suggested that I go home, so I wouldn’t have to deal with impatient nurses and I would probably be more comfortable at home. I was dreading the drive home. Heather needed to go home and take care of her kids and she told us to check in with her through the day. We all were very tired and slightly disappointed.

Monday was the hardest day. I hadn’t slept much, or eaten anything that I could keep down. I knew I needed to eat though. Heather had suggested high protein food like eggs or peanuts. We hadn’t much food in the house. We borrowed some toast from Mandy on Sunday. On that day Donn made me dry pasta, cauliflower, eggs but I couldn’t eat any of it. I forced myself to eat some cashews that we had in the cupboard, which was more difficult than I could ever imagine. I had not drunk as much as I should have been so I had a pasty mouth and the cashews were very pasty.

Monday morning was also when my back labor started to get bad. That sucked. At about six months my midwife had mentioned that Sam was positioned sideways, so his shoulders were perpendicular to my hips. In the back of my head I had thought about back labor but I think I was trying to be optimistic and ignore the possibility until it happened.

That evening I could see Donn getting more anxious. My labor and picked up a bit. We called heather and decided to go to the hospital at about five. The trek was longer this time due to traffic. Once we got to the hospital I remember the hardest thing was having contractions because I didn’t want to bring attention to myself. The triage nurse that we got the second time was not a friendly as the one we had had that morning. The midwife wasn’t either. At that time I was dilated to four and my water was partially broke. I was so relieved to not have to go home again. They told me that I was a bit dehydrated so I had to drink some apple juice, I didn’t mind except that they gave me ice. I don’t like ice.

It seemed like forever that we had to wait in the triage room. At one point Heather had gone to ask about our room. It was the coming of the full moon, which was on the ninth. So there was an influx of women having babies that night. Due to this fact I was not able to do the water birth that I had so wanted. I didn’t even get a regular bath I got a shower stall. That wasn’t made for women my size. Finally we got our room. Donn really needed a break at that time so Heather and I walked around the maternity ward trying to get things going and trying to turn Sam so he wouldn’t be sideways. After awhile I let the midwife break the rest of my water in hopes that that would pick up labor. It did.

The roller coaster began as soon as the rest of my water was broken. My contractions were much harder and they seemed closer together. I sat in a rocking chair and I remember trying to find a focal point. I didn’t bring anything to focus on. At on point it was a picture on the wall, and then it was the design on the nurse’s shirt. Her shirt had abstract colorful designs on it and I could imagine different things every time I looked at it. Later Heather told me that this was when I was in transition, all I know is that I was growling like an anger momma bear one minute and in a trance the next. This part was the hardest for Donn. I never thought how exhausting it would be to watch someone you love go through so much pain and there was nothing to be done about it. He cried. In between contractions I was more concerned with him than I was my own pain. Through each contraction I kept reminding myself this too shall pass.

After the rocking chair they tried to get me to poop and pee. I had nothing to do with that. The toilet was the least comfortable place for me to be, and I knew that I was not going to be able to do what they wanted me to do. With no success I then moved to the bed to lie on my side. I didn’t much like this position either. Heather and Donn were able to apply counter pressure to my back though from this position. It didn’t do much good though. They wanted me to try to empty myself one more time, which I was not too pleased about but I was able to pee a little. I asked in a not so nice tone at that point “I peed can I get up?!” it was really very uncomfortable.

From there I was then told to get n the bed on all fours. I liked this position; it helped with the back labor. The midwife pulled the cart of goodies {surgical tools} next to the bed. The nurse commented that we wouldn’t need it yet and she said we would. Her thought was that I would push Sam out relatively quick due to the fact that he was large and sideways. I think she was trying to avoid a caesarian, which had happened to people I know that had similar situations. The next thing I know I am asked to push, I was not ready for that request I think, but I pushed. It was no effort really it came very natural. That is until the ring of fire. When I reached the ring of fire I though no more I couldn’t push through that. That was my only tie of doubt. It didn’t last long, my body took over and the next thing I knew I had given birth to Sam.

I asked Donn later what I was like at this moment because I was in such a zone that I have little memory. His answer was that I was like a momma bear asking for my baby, asking if he was all right. Now because I was on all fours it was a challenge to get him to my breast while the umbilical cord was still intact but we did it very carefully. I kissed him and told him everything was all right.

He took to breastfeeding immediately, I was so happy. All my exhaustion had disappeared. When they decided to cut the umbilical cord we decided Heather should do it and she was so excited.