Killer Headaches

Last night after watching 2 episodes of season one of Chuck while massaging Big Daddy's aching back (multitasking at its finest) I snuggled into bed at a lovely 11:30pm. At 1:30pm I hear the Monkey come into our room, as he often does, to sleep on the floor next to my side of the bed. Shortly thereafter I start to hear the wee sniffles of him crying. Unfortunately I know all too well what this means - the Monkey has another one of his spike through the head headaches.

Last spring he started to get them once every three weeks or so in the middle of the night. I am starting to feel more confident in my theory of dehydration headaches combined with growing pains. He is sprouting like a weed and he did have wake in the middle of the night leg pains in his earlier years. He didn't have one all summer but yesterday was the first day of homeschool group. This means lots of running around and talking and excitement.

No matter what the source, they are super terrible for him and for us since we feel completely helpless to assist our poor suffering little fella. We have tried - drinking water, Tylenol, homeopathics, cranio sacral, massage, visualization, whoodoo voodoo, you name it we have tried it.

So 1:30am - crying, Tylenol at and a little massage. 2:30am - threw up from headache on white carpet at the foot of our bed. 3:30am - threw up again but made it to toilet. By this point I was weary of trying to sleep just to be woken up again but finally my body allowed me to drift into slumber until the alarm went off at 8am for my 9am meeting.

It was a teacher orientation for the UUAA from 9am to noon. I must admit that I have a very hard time sitting and being talked to for three hours even with breaks. Doing it sleep deprived was a true test. To make things even more challenging my full coffee cup dumped over on the floor of my car on the way to the meeting and all they had was tea when I got there.

Tea was not going to cut it for a three hour meeting so at break I snuck into the kitchen and dumped a couple of tablespoons of coffee into my cup and poured hot water over it. As the meeting reconvened I strained the coffee through a paper towel into another coffee cup to be transferred back to my original cup after I rinsed all the grounds out. That did the trick.

After much talking and "get to know you" activities (that I was so not in the mood for) the meeting ended and my husband walked in with a not so happy presence. He was dropping off the Money for choir orientation but the moment I saw him I remembered I was supposed to take his car that morning so he could take the van to pick up a generator from some friends of ours in Ann Arbor to take to our other friends in Ypsilanti who just closed on their house yesterday, but they have no electricity until Monday and there is no time to dilly dally since they are 38 weeks pregnant with their second child and the carpets needed to be cleaned before moving stuff in.

I then found out he tried to pick up the generator in the Buick and got stuck in traffic on the way to Ann Arbor since it is a football Saturday. En route his phone died and he got stung by a yellow jacket while driving. The generator did not fit. He drove to the UUAA to drop the Monkey off and swap cars to go back and pick up the generator just to find out the choir orientation was canceled. Whoops.

All of this before noon.

The day mellowed out after this but I am waiting for just one day or absolutely nothing. Someday a nothing day will come and I will not know what to do with myself.

Addendum: Later that day I was pulling out of the drive way and got half way down the street before I noticed that the BRAND NEW library book I am reading was on the roof of the car. I slowed to a stop but apparently not carefully enough because the book slid off the hood and I drove over it. I immediately jumped out and pulled it out from under the back wheel a little rumpled. It is a hard cover so it held up ok. I flattened out the pages and stuck it under my butt the rest of the drive to flatten it. Shhhhh.... don't tell. ;)

Book I am Reading:

Birth Day : A Pediatrician Explores the Science, the History, and the Wonder of Childbirth by Dr. Mark Sloan


"California pediatrician Sloan has helped deliver more than 3,000 babies, and he marvelously captures the precarious nature of childbirth—both its joys and its anxieties—while treating readers to an informal and captivating history of the medical practices surrounding birth in America. Sloan shares his first bumbled attempts at delivering babies as an intern, which leads him into reflect on why doctors persist in having women lie down to give birth when standing or squatting are better physical postures for it. Sloan ranges surely and splendidly over epidurals, cesarean births, premature birth and neonatal nurseries, as well as the state of an infant's five senses at birth. For example, he points out that the fetus not only smells the foods its mother eats, it remembers them after birth and tends to like what it remembers. Sloan counsels that women cannot prepare for labor, because events change rapidly during the process. He advises women to surround themselves with the people they love: unlike other labor pain relievers she may choose, their benefits will last the rest of her life."

Distracted By Food

This is why we did not do our daily routine this morning -

My son and husband tell me often that I cannot save all the food but I choose not to believe their naysay ways. I can and will make use of all these gift that the dirt has given us even if it means eating pesto and tomato jam all darn winter.

I was not planning on this bounty. Honestly I thought I was done harvesting food for the year but the small city plot we had was dying off and many of the tomatoes were rotted in saddness from my lack of visitation to them and my friend had an overflow of her yard garden to share.

So friday schooly activites are bumped to Sunady family time, which may upset the troops since that is MarioKart time if Big Daddy is around, but I cannot let a drop of this goodness go to waste.

My husband tells me that folks may be a bit disappointed to get tomato jam for the holiday but I poopoo the thought. What is better than a gift of food that was made with loving hands and an obsessive heart?

Here is a wee glimpse into what I did with my summer -

Book Suggestion:

The Big Book of Preserving the Harvest by Carol W. Costenbader

“Remember how grandmother’s cellar shelves were packed with jars of tomato sauce and stewed tomatoes, pickled beets and cauliflower, and pickles both sweet and dill? Learn how to save a summer day – in batches – from the classic primer, now updated and rejacketed. Use the latest inexpensive, time-saving techniques for drying, freezing, canning, and pickling. Anyone can capture the delicate flavors of fresh foods for year-round enjoyment and create a well-stocked pantry of fruits, vegetables, herbs, meats, flavored vinegars, and seasonings.”

Goldilocks and the Three Curriculums

I am a unschooler unfortunately my kids are not so much, they like structure and guidance. This year, with the Monkey being 8 and the Bean turning the big 0-5(!), was the year I knew I would have to pull up my boot straps and get on the ball.

In the past I have tried a couple of curriculum’s in an attempt to be a schooly homeschooler, which is what I thought I was supposed to be. Oak Meadow was our first try. It is a loosely structured Waldorf/Montessori, but was just too loose for my attention span. We made it through a few weeks before I bailed. At the time I tried it I was working nights while my husband worked days so prep time was limited. With this in mind I decided to try something much more structured.

My next curriculum was Sonlight. A heavily reading based and very structured curriculum. Instead of buying the package deal, with all the books used that year included, from the company I decided to do it economy. Which meant figuring out what books I could get from the library or inter-library loan, then see who had books I could borrow, finally I bought the remaining books online used at half.com. This was quite an undertaking but monetarily I think it worked out ok. We made it through maybe a week before I realized it was way too much for us. I was drowning in notebooks, post it notes, bookmarks, books, and to me it just seemed like chaos (mind you chaos that I was creating most likely from lack of organizational preparation time)

At this point I was pretty fed up with curriculums. I found the excuse of having a second child who was running head first into the depths of toddler-dom along with me working a lot to be sufficient enough for me to lay off the curriculums and truly unschool for a couple of years.

Unschooling has been a great experience and remarkably easy. One of the greatest accomplishments in this time was the Monkey teaching himself how to read. This truly taught me that kids do not need to be “taught”. I really believe that since we were so free the past couple of years he felt more comfortable and at ease with his relationship to reading. He was a reading with tears kind of kid early on in the days where I tried to “teach” him. Being able to see it as a relationship that is different for everyone and that grows at its own pace was a very important lesson for me to learn.

The unschooling years also allowed me to de-school myself a bit. To let go of my preconceived ideas of learning and get over the 12 years + of educational programming. I must be very honest here I am still struggling with this daily. I am also struggling with letting go of my ideas of “being a grown up” but that is another post.

This summer I was trying to figure out what we were going to do this year. I got a better handle on my work schedule. I found a great system for managing the house. All that was left was what to do about homeschooling. A friend introduced me to this great into to science book Building Foundations of Scientific Understanding by Dr. Bernard Nebel. searching on the internet for and about this book I came across this website Brining Up Learners. It is awesome! The best part is that they have a downloadable FREE curriculum. How exciting is that? Especially after I have spent hundreds of dollars in teaching materials in the past.

It is just enough to satisfy my kids desire for structure and introduction of new ideas. It is also structured but minimal to meet my unschooly style. As always things may change but for now it is all going grea. Everyday is a challenge but if it were not I would be concerned.

Book Suggestion:

Parenting a Free Child: An Unschooled Life by Rue Kream

"Parenting A Free Child: An Unschooled Life presents a radical approach to parenting and education in a way that seems logical, obvious and natural. I use the word “radical” because Kream’s approach is very different to mainstream parenting, even within the homeschooling community. It is built on an incredible and absolute trust in her two children and aims to give them control over all aspects of their life."

Searching For Enlightenment

My kids love to chat especially my older boy, the Monkey, age 8. Since his sister started to mumble her fist sprouts of chatter he would HAVE to interupt her budding communication. Her response to this was to just scream in lue of speaking actual words for the first few years. After lunch yesterday we sat down for a lovely bowl of Cookies and Cream / Napolean ice cream mix up and a mellow afternoon chat.

The Bean, age 5, was on the verge of speaking when the Monkey interrupted her by inquiring about going by Morgan & York in Ann Arbor in search of the perfect jawbreaker. He didn’t know the name of Morgan & York so it was a 10 minute conversation of “you know, that one place with the candy”, “that place with the chocolate stuff”, “that place we went to that one time” – you get the idea.

The Bean finally found a lull in the conversation to very sweetly say “excuse me mama”. I reply “yes, sweetie?” She continues ” well mama…… when we all get old we die? We die when we get old? Everybody gets old and dies and then the planet gets old and dies. So, what happens after the planet dies?” Since the topic of death and dying is not new to our house I give my usual answer of “I don’t know Bean”. Then a shock of hope lights through my body that maybe she is young enough that she has the answers to the source of all my anxiety attacks. I ask “What do you think happens?” Hope shimmered in my aura for the briefest moment then she replied “Dunno, mama. ” As she shoveled the next spoonful of ice cream in her mouth I start pondering the big ideas of our existence and the kids troddle off screaming “hey, wanna play adventurer?” “YA!”

I am left with empty ice cream bowls and deflated hope and simmering anxiety. Just another day at the office.

Suggested Book:

Little Big Minds by Marietta McCarty

“Little Big Minds is a guide for any adult to take a child into the world of wonder and awe that is at the heart of philosophy. Children are natural philosophers, and Marietta McCarty discovered through her philosophy program for kids from kindergarten through eighth grade just how eager they are to explore ideas and to use clear thinking to understand and to improve their lives.”

Thought of the Day

This is something I posted elsewhere when talking about my issue of tackling religious discourse with others of differing opinion, with my kids, and how to handle those who differ in opinion and call you stupid for your beliefs.

we teach violence is not allowed. we teach respect for others beliefs even if they disagree and conflict with our own. we teach agreeing to disagree. we teach empathy for others and that their need to share their opinion that our beliefs are stupid may come from a place of strong conviction to their own beliefs which our beliefs may threaten. We teach to have understanding that they may not have the right or more respectful words to convey that our beliefs make them uncomfortable. we teach open minded respectful discourse if that can be achieved by both parties. we teach to be open to ever changing thought and new ideas.
now i am aware that when getting into deeper topic of racism, the holocaust and other crimes against humanity things are more complicated but for now we keep it simple in our house.

Yes, this happened today in the neighborhood, and Sam being very into right and wrong and sound and just, needed to process. It didn't help that the other kid was unrelenting and then got a little physical. But in the end the boy went home and the day went on. Whew, the world is a tough place to figure out.

Mater's

Oh the year of the tomato.

I still have a fear of canning tomatoes so it has mostly been a lot of freezing and salsa and Tomato Glut (which is awesome ~ it is the perfect hamburger helper!)

This week though I came across the mother of all tomato recipe's thanks to one Monica P. It is the recipe for Tomato Jam. YUM!

It is as follows:
what i used:
• 1 pound tomatoes
• 1 cup sugar... Read More
• 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
• 1/8 broken stick cinnamon
• 7 whole cloves
• 1/4 tsp whole allspice

what i'm doing:
• Wash, peel and cut tomatoes.
• Put them in a saucepan and add vinegar, cloves, allspice, sugar and cinnamon.
• Simmer, till thick, keep stirring.

-------

I made 4pound of tomatoes and it took quite awhile for it to boil down but patience is a virtue and damn worth it. Holy mother of Pete is all i have been able to say all day. I have one jar in the fridge and three in the freezer. I will be looking for more tomatoes soon because I want to be stocked all winter on this deliciousness!

Here is the best find of the day. 10 frozen bananas in my freezer which ended up being a triple batch of banana bread. Take the banana bread and goober on that lovely tomato jam, add a side of a wonderful medium sharp cheddar and you have found heaven in your mouth.

Culinary Genius!

Drinking the Kool-Aid

Tomorrow morning I will be drinking the Kool-Aid.

Tomorrow morning I will be joining the First Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Ann Arbor.

I, the usually non-joiner type, will be joining.

I have not even joined my local Ypsilanti Coop because it is just too much.

But tomorrow I join the UUAA.

This is a decision I have been mulling around for quite a bit. I started attending the AAUU three years ago. The first year I lurked. The second year I joined a chalice circle of women I already knew. The third year I went to the Women's Retreat and joined a book club of the same ladies I knew (it was kind of a morph from the chalice circle) and took the Introduction to UU class. The fourth year I am joining. Also in this fourth year I will be co-teaching the OWL class for either graders. The OWL is Our Whole Lives . This was the motivation for me to take that final step and sign the book. They want all teachers to have a commitment to the UU. So I drink the Kool-Aid.

I am a pretty roll wtih the flow kind of gal (with intense moments) and I didn't think much of my procrastination of this last step or the quick decision to take this last step until two days ago, a few days after I had made arrangments to sing the book this Sunday.

I am surprisingly excited and proud to be joining. I am really trying to allow myself to really appretiate it for the meaningful moment it is to me. Very regularly I will down play moments like this and others things like my graduations and wedding, not wanting too much of a fuss. So I am really trying to let go of that tendency and embrace it as something really neat-o.

So, over the lips and through the gums watch out tummy here it comes!

My 60 year old self

Tonight at the Doula Collective meeting Jenna told us about the best comforting exercise that she made up in college when she was having a hard time.

In times of stress or distress or sadness or whenever imagine your (she said 40 year old self but I find my 60 year old self more appropriate) 60 year old self giving your current self a hug. She, knowing that this time you are in will pass and she knows how it will work out, she is there to comfort you through this time. Because really no one knows us better than we know ourselves. How wonderful. What a great exercise for self love and respect.

I LOVE THIS.

Book Club

It has been a summer of reading for me. This is new since I have always seemed to struggle with reading, but it has been great!

I joined a book club - first meeting I went but did not read the book. Second meeting I went having read half the book. Third meeting I missed but didn't read the book. Fourth meeting I went and i skimmed the book. Fifth meeting I went and I read the book. Sixth meeting I will be going having read the book since I recommended it. Now this may not sound like a successful run in the book club but really for me it is. I must note though that I had been listening to all the Harry Potters in the car this year with Sam and Ella but I have been informed by my husband that if you listen to a book you are not reading it - I told him to keep that thought to himself.

So the book I recommended was Breakfast with Buddha by Roland Merullo. My mom recommended it and said she laughed out loud. Now very little makes me laugh out loud (although a podcast of The Moth yesterday did but I can talk about that later). I have not laughed out loud but it has hit a soft spot for me and has made me really reassess how I look at this crazy life I live.

I have read my share of Thich Nhat Hahn but this book takes all those teachings and puts it in a delightful story that my overloaded brain can handle. So I am trying to mindfully put down my calendar and play chess with my son when he asks. I try to stop processing the mountain of tomatoes from the harvest and sit and color with Ella. I try to be present when hanging out watching Psych with my darling husband. I try to make it a priority to make art again and stop being so damned "responsible".

I think I have really been over doing this grown up thing. Some can pull it off well but I am realizing me trying to be a grown up is like a blind gorilla trying to be a dentist. So I am going to go back to what I am good at, it will take some time, there are 10 years of de-programming to do. It will not be easy and I will stumble but the best journeys are along the stumbly path.

Going into to a new year

This year I am officially homeschooling TWO school age kids!

The bean is five and has gone through the right of passage - SafetyTown. She is official.

I have been looking forward to this time of our lives for a long time. Don't get me wrong I love little ones but Big Daddy and I are really excited about the future of hanging out with our "kids" without toddlers and diapers and nap times and all the other lovely stuff that comes with little ones.

I have already seen a shift in the conversations we have, how we experience our daily outings and even down to everyday functioning (this morning the Bean made everyone breakfast - fruit leather, fruit b'fast bar, cherries with a pit bowl tortilla chips and milk. it was awesome!)

I am super excited about the year to come with my two kiddos and Big Daddy. I have a great feeling about this.

a jar full of honey

We came home today from a great night camping at the inlaws visiting, finding caterpillars, eating smores, getting quizzed on my vegetable identification, feeding the bunnies and shooting some guns (a secret pleasure of mine). We headed home early afternoon Sunday to hang out with our old neighbors that we miss. They were awesome and got great news that it isn't as far as we thought to go visit them so I hope next month or September to trot on down to really get more than a fleeting hour to see them.

As we get older I am realizing good folks that you connect with well are harder to find but when you do it is good.

When we did arrive home from the in-laws before our old neighbors showed up I noticed there was a bag on the table of gifts for our birthdays from old friends. Eggs, a mix CD (which is another one of my not so secret pleasures) another cd of pod casts and the cherry on top was ....... a jar of honey. nothing warms my soul than a present of a ball jar of honey.

I am suprised and pleased at the pleasure I get from a jar of honey.

Oh, how I love my jar of honey.

I smile when I am sad and cry when I am happy

These are two manifestations of emotion that I have had a hard time explaining to my children. They seem like oxymoron's to them but make perfect sense to me.

This past Tuesday after class four a lovely couple asked me if I were available to be their doula this fall. I politely told them I am on sabbatical for an unknown amount of time. I could see through her body language slightly deflate at my answer. They were just the kind of couple I would hope would ask me to be their doula. We continued to chat a bit and I felt myself thinking about making an exception, then keeping my boundaries, then thinking they would be great clients, then keeping my boundaries, then..... this continued in my head into the drive home and into the next morning. I was sad about having to say no but I knew it was for the best. I smiled in my sadness because sometimes good things and sad things come together.

Today is my birthday. This morning my lovely children greeted me with hugs and love. My mom brought me coffee and breakfast in bed. I GOT TO READ IN BED FOR A HALF HOUR! I had a house full of amazing women all day with kids running around like crazy banshees. My wonderful husband got me a great book on preserving food. It is the greatest birthday ever but it all started with me getting out of bed and putting my two feet firmly on the floor, having the strong feeling that today is the start of something new. I don't know what that new is but I am open, ready and willing to ride this pony wherever it takes me. Today I cry because I am happy and so very blessed.

Order all I want is order.

I feel my garage is a physical manifestation of my brain. That is not good.

There is chaos, clutter, saved items for "someday" - oh my goodness it is my nightmare.

My brain feels the same - chaos, clutter, holding on to old ideas, habits, perceptions.

It is time to clean house and gray matter. I am starting to believe in simplifying. That things can wait until later, it all does not have to come now or be now. I don't have to hold on to things with the idea that it will make my goals and ideas come sooner. The things that are reminders don't usually help but hinder my well being by reminding me that I am not doing or being that at this time because really it just can't all be at the same time.

I would love to be everything I ever want to be RIGHT NOW but if I were to try to do that (as I have been trying) the toll is too high for the now.

So today I am taking things from my garage to the recycle center. Finding homes for stuff we don't need. Setting up boundaries in my work life and personal life. Finding value in myself everyday and forgiving myself when I mess up. I am great just the way I am today even though I am not all I want to be today, today I am all I should be.

I've been awarded!

M, over at The Urban Homesteader awarded me this fine Honest Scrap Award.
Apparently, I now need to divulge ten honest things about myself and then pass the award on to "a fellow blogger whose blog’s content or design is, in the giver’s opinion, brilliant.”

Ok here we go...

1. I will open up to most anyone but trust very few. I have very little to hide - it almost borders on personality turrets.

2. I suffer from extreme post social anxiety which used to hinder my daily functioning (I dropped out of Michigan State University from social anxiety) but I have learned to deal by driving my husband crazy with post social processing.

3. I was physically allergic to the word "dating" symptoms included cringing, increased heart rate, nausea, immediate desire to run away and hide, flushed, nervous twitching and avoiding eye contact.

4. I NEVER imagined I would be married and a mother.

5. I really miss traveling and hope to take up that hobby again someday. Global tromping is a dream/goal (and not like a "tourist").

6. I want to play the cello and sing in a Threshold Choir

7. I am a little obsessed with death, always have been from a young age. I see hospice in my future someday.

8. Making art is my Ritalin. (and yes I have been labeled ADD - big surprise, i know)

9. I find great satisfaction in cooking and feeding people good food.

10. I have no clue how I got so damn lucky to be married to the most amazing man (for me) on the planet. I am so blessed. I do not deserve it sometimes.

11. I am torn between being an extroverted introvert.

12. I am surprisingly anti-authority as an adult (but not in a bad way). Preferring to function outside of the system on my own terms swimming up steam. Surprising because I tried so hard for so long to fit in on "the terms" dictated to me but it is in me bones I guess :)

13. This is where #1 and #12 meet...get it?

alrighty... I don't know if I have that many folks to list but here it is

1. Kim Big Sky Mountain
2. Jennifer Life with Girls
3. Brooke all My Favorite Things
4. Stacey Dandilions are Life
5. Wendy Frenzied Wren
6. Nat Injection Reflections
7. Stephanie A breastfeeding Mom's Journal
8 Grace Blue Cloud Cloth (just to be redundant)
9. Betsie And Another Thing
10. Jen No Teachign Only Learning

XO ~Kate

Being that I am the queen of analogies (often bad ones...)

I love this -

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle
www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove

:: The Wild Child ::

Domesticated animals confined to farms, zoos, and
similar unnatural habitats lack a certain "spark"
found in their wild counterparts. They've been bred
or trained to live apart from their nature. They've
adjusted to their lack of freedom.

Put a wild animal in a cage for the first time and
behold the fury! What else would you expect from a
creature who still knows it's supposed to be free?

Children are born free and wild, and they don't
readily submit to "domestication." And thank Goodness
for that! Because those who retain that spark are the
ones who will uplift humanity in generations to come.

Today, look for evidence of the spark of wildness in
your child... and *celebrate* it! Trust that s/he will
civilize in due time. And in the meantime, let that
spark ignite the flames of an authentic, passionate life.

Talking to myself

Recently in therapy my therapist offered her thoughts on our/my decision to homeschool. Her intentions were all good and she was just offering perspective with the thought of my sanity and "me time" in mind. Helping me find a balance in my world is part of her job that I am hiring her for. I listened and thought about what she said and agreed with some of it but we are homeschoolers through and through.
We are a busy homeschooling family. My husband works full time, goes to school full time (although he is finally taking the summer off) for his undergrad and I have always worked opposite shifts or creative emplyment to make ends meet. It has not been an easy road and there have been many stumbles along the way but we make it work.
Only fleetingly have we thought about putting the kids in school but no serious conversation has ever been had on the subject. Usually the fleeting though has come from our self doubt in our ability to "teach" the kids or just plain frustration (and that has not been infrequent over the years). We grow and change and the kids grow and change and with growth comes growing pains. No it is not easy, actually it is damn hard. It has been a huge leap of faith and a huge lesson in trust in my kids, their abilities and that they actually do know what is best for themselves a lot of the time (but not always ;) but really do any of us)
Recently I have made a professional shift in hopes to be more present for my kids and my family. It had the desired effect and I am so grateful. We are still shifting from old ways to new. It will be another few months of adjusting but this new shift and the bean turning five (!) my heart swells and my mind is open to all the amazing fun and growth we will be sharing together as a family and with our new friends we made this year in the homeschool communities.

~Today the monkey's face looked different, his tanned skin and rosey cheeks under his ice blue eyes, slimmer in the trunk, taller. He now does not want to cut his hair, he is growing it out or wearing it shaggy I guess. He is getting older. As beautiful and smart as ever my wonderful son. I will still curl you up on my lap and sing you "hush little baby" as you snuggle into my shoulder although your legs dangle over swinging your Frodo feet.

~My lovely daughter struggling through four almost to five. Looking for her place in the universe. Loves her hair done (although not brushed), taking her red purse to the store (which can be quite a production), making lists, likes things just so, and is so loving to others. In a couple of weeks she goes to Safety Town a big mile stone in our house. Her brother has been preparing her. This coming year will be full of dance classes, piano, and other activities along the way. I still wake up to the sweet smell of her head every morning "i love you mama" *wiggle*wiggle*wiggle* "its mo-ning time"

I am learning to enjoy the slow although we are very busy. To breathe and enjoy - maybe even forgo many ideas, goals and hopes I have until later. I will always have later but now is slipping away. I want my now with the three of them - every minute of it.

Perceptions

For a long time I was embarrassed to tell people where I grew up. I never felt like I fit in there as a young person and could not identify with much of anything or anyone there. I grew up in Birmingham, Michigan. More specifically I grew up in Beverly Hills, Michigan.

This weekend a woman I have known for a few years asked me where I was from and I answered honestly. I am from Birmingham. She paused and looked at me, I could almost see the wheels turning in her head. She replied "Really?". She went on about how she is very surprised to hear that and it may take her a bit to adjust. I laughed. She went on to tell me "...but you are so Ypsi.." I am not sure but that is but I took it as a compliment.

I am used to hearing "Really!? You don't seem like you are from there" when folks eventually find out where I am from. I am not going to get into what folks are like there because I know some wonderful folks in that area and do not want to stereotype but Birmingham does have a reputation. As does the town I live in now, but we will not go into that here.

As a young person I was resentful of not fitting in, I judged others frequently for being so "Birmingham", and it was painful most of the time growing up there knowing I just couldn't feign the airs of my peers. As time has past, I have settled into myself as a person and taken steps (stumbling along) to figure out who I am. Time has brought me the gift of acceptance and empathy for other perspectives no matter how different they may be from mine. I realize that I judged others because I was judging myself. I was not secure in who I was enough to be comfortable with others who were different or who believed different than myself.

Be it the woman with the highlights, liposuction, boob job, perfect make-up and nails dressed to a T or the man in the $1500 suit driving the Hummer or the homeless man on the corner with the sign that says "homeless need work" or the check out person at Kroger or the bus driver or the milk man or the owner of an upscale restaurant or a drag queen or my Jehovah's witness who visits me periodically - all of the people I come across in my life have something to offer me. It may be something about themselves they offer me, they may help me better understand myself or my perceptions or my behavior. They may test my patience and empathy. They may show me I am not as accepting as I would like to be or they may show me that love and beauty come in all different kinds of packages.

Every person I come across every day is a gift (including the guy who flips me off while driving down the road) :) and an opportunity to be a better person. No journey is easy or pain free - growth hurts, it is uncomfortable and it takes time but you do end up standing taller.

Great Book for the soul of an unschooler

On of the lovely ladies of HOG-WARTS had purchased this book - Raising a Free Child: An Unschooled Life.

At a get together I started reading it and did not want to give it back. I did. Then went home to order my own. This is one of those books you want on your shelf to reference when you need a little boost.

So much of it resonates with how we feel about learning and family. It is nice to have a familiar voice to easy my inner beastie.

building blocks

as time passes i am letting go more and more. learning lessons of being, perceptions, listening, feeling and finding peace.
today was a wonderful visit with judy ramsey, an amazing healer. i knew when i went in that it was going to be not what i expected so i left my expectations open. it was a remarkable session of brain work and heart healing therapy. with this visit i have greater peace and a better understanding of myself and my place and how to incorporate it into all i do. i am looking forward to working with her more, and she is an inspiring rolemodel as a healer.
i feel like i am putting together puzzle pieces for a grand picture of my lifes work.
one....piece...at....a...time. and time it will take so breath in deep and be patient.

not in the mood to share

oh my goodness it is may. i have been quiet and introspective much lately. like the winds of change are coming and i am not quite sure what to do with that. it is a good thing though.

the gardening front is going well. the beds are in herbs are planted. strawberry patch in. greens to go in this wee.

homeschooling is great. i am starting to accept that we are built to be unschoolers although i have been reluctant. i want order but chaos is more our thing. it has been a huge leap of faith but so far it is panning out more amazingly than i could have ever imagined. it is so much easier now that the weather has perked up though. AMEN!

i am going for a craniosacral appointment tomorrow which is very exciting. this woman is booked two months in advanced and i called today to get on the waiting list and she had a cancelation for tomorrow and no one else on the waiting likst could take it so i am in. the universe likes me today. whoohoo!

i found a therapist which is wonderful although it will be out of pocket which is not so wonderful but i am worth it golly-darn-it. ;) i am very much looking forward to what that path may bring.

i have been invited to sing in a monthly womens group which is so good for my soul. i happened to be at a gettogether on friday that was specifically for recording old circle songs. i thought it was a beltane potluck but it was a singing potlatch, luckily i am easy going. well after i was complimented on my singing *blush* and invited to join a revival of this sining group of ladies. that night i also learned about threshold choirs of which there is one in ann arbor that i am going to look into. my heart warms at the thought of being able to sing.

then saturday i went to what i thought was going to me a herbal talk with Loren Cruden but ended up being this amazing spiritual talk with Loren Cruden. i came away from it with insight and tools for the spirit. she is an amazing woman, and funny.

the last night at a potluck at a friends house i found someone to lend me a cello to take my lessons. i was considering if the cost of rental would be too much, but then the universe stepped in an lent me a hand. i am very excited to start this barter for cello lessons thing. *geeky smile*

so if you cant tell this is a season of me taking care of myself and stepping away from the chaos of spiraling out into the vast everything at warp speed. i still run at warp speed but my mantra is now "stir it back into the pot". it is like the milky way with its tenticles flying everywhere but i am learning to keep it like spaghetti noodles in a pot.

stir it back into the pot...with love.