we were going to take sam to the toledo zoo today for his birthday. donn was home form work due to saturdays minor flooding and that it is sams birthday. it has been lovely weather - great for a winter trip to the zoo but today we awoke to snow and cold.
we were half way to toledo as we passed cabela's. donn had the great idea of trying to talk sam into going to cabelas rather than the zoo. warmth and dead animals or freeze our butts off to see sad live animals. so warm it was.
looking closely at the stuffed animals (that was fun trying to explain taxidermy to sam) i notices that they had remarkably realistic anal sphincter, obviously sculpted. it got me to thinking of a fellow sitting is his dusty workshop stuffing a buffalo carefully sculpting an anus to finish of his creation. for some reason in my imagination the fellow was chatting away on the phone meticulously working away knowing that someone might actually look carefully at the bum of the stuffed buffalo. and i did.

Sam’s Coming

It was Saturday the sixth of January. My mother had flown back to Texas six days earlier. She had hoped that Sam would choose to arrive while she was visiting for the holidays, but she was not so lucky. Everyone was hoping that he would come on the New Year or before, for tax purposes or to be the first baby of the real millennium. Sam was stubborn though and came when he was ready. That morning our friend who lives downstairs Amanda had brought a book up that had a recipe for a belly cast which I had wanted to do but didn’t know how. I looked it over and got very excited. Unfortunately after calling all the medical supply stores within fifty miles, I found they were all closed until Monday. The strong desire to preserve the beautiful belly I grew for nine months lead me to find a way to do a body cast somehow. Donn and I went to down town Ann Arbor to search for a medium that would work. We had no luck. We did have a wonderful afternoon though and we got eat at Red Hot Lovers. That evening we met a friend for dinner at Gianni’s, the local greasy spoon. I was so large I hardly fit in the booth. On the way home from dinner we stopped in at the local coffee shop Vinyl Joes to say hello. As I babbled through our days happenings I mentioned the belly cast and the supplies that we couldn’t get, and how I was a week overdue and down to the wire on time. Much to my surprise Paul, a friend of Donns mentioned that he had what we needed but he couldn’t get it until Sunday morning. At that point Sunday was so much better Monday. So we decided that I would call him at nine the next morning. I was so excited that I was going to be able to have my belly forever.

That Saturday night was quiet like all the others, but my braxton-hicks contractions were more frequent than usual. I was not too alarmed but I mentioned to Donn that we should probably go to bed early tonight. That was at ten thirty. By twelve thirty I put my book away and unplugged the Christmas lights that hung above our bed. Donn was still on the computer. I had been saying for months that Sam would either come on the new moon, which was December twenty-fifth, or he would arrive on the full moon, which was January ninth. At two thirty in the morning I was awakened to a sharp pain, not unbearable but defiantly noticeable. Donn was still on the computer. At that time I told him to go to bed, knowing that it would be awhile but he would need his rest. From that point I didn’t sleep much. I watched television and tried to pass the time. At four thirty in the morning woke Donn and asked him if I should call our doula Heather. I think I was looking for someone to tell me what to do. So I proceeded to page Heather. When she called back I felt bad for waking her up so early, although she reassured me that I should not. I was pretty sure that it was going to be awhile so I told her that she need not come out but I did ask her for suggestions on what if anything I should do. She told me that I did need to try to sleep, eat, and move fluids through my body to stay hydrated. She also suggested that I have Donn go to Whole Foods when they open and get me some scull cap to help me sleep.

Up to that point my contractions were about seven minuets apart on average, and they lasted for about thirty-five seconds. I didn’t think they were that bad they were more annoying than painful. I was also tired at that point. I woke Donn at eight thirty so he could get to Whole Foods at nine, when they opened. He was a bit fuzzy when he left but he completed his mission. The scull cap allowed me a little fitful sleep, but at that point any sleep was good sleep.

Donn called Paul that morning to get the belly cast supplies. Heather had reassured me that I would still be able to do the cast. When Paul dropped off the supplies I was in the bedroom, I wasn’t much for entertaining at that time. When he left we started to make the cast, I was so happy at that time. I had three contractions through the process. When it was done I looked at it and realized for the first time how big I was. Growing in pregnancy is such a gradual process that it is hard to grasp how large (and beautiful) you become.

The making of the belly cast was the high light of my early labor. The rest of Sunday is a blur of contractions, and trying to get comfortable. Donn and I got a craving for McDonalds that evening so we satisfied the urge. That was the last real meal I ate before Sam was born.

We had been keeping in touch with Heather through out the day but finally at eleven thirty that night we decided that she should come over to the house. I was getting tired and so was Donn, and things were picking up a bit. When she arrived we were watching the discovery channel, some program on Egypt. After that was a program on piranhas, I remember that very vividly. Donn went to rest for a bit after the piranha show, Heather stayed up with me for a bit. Luckily she did because shortly after Donn had gone to rest I threw up the McDonalds that I had eaten earlier. Donn doesn’t handle the product of throwing up very well, in sight or smell. Heather suggested that I try to get some rest, and she would crash for a bit on the couch. I warned her about our little friends that had taken refuge from the hard winter in our kitchen behind the refrigerator, so if she heard something, or saw something that she wouldn’t be surprised.

I don’t remember sleeping very much or very well that night. My contractions had stayed the same distance apart since they began; they started to get a bit harder. At five in the morning Heather suggested that we might go to the hospital. Donn and I got the bags and the body pillow and loaded it into the Saturn. I can remember almost every bump and pot hole in the road from our house to the hospital. It was that nice early in the morning time when no one is really out yet. That made for a very short commute.

We made our way to the fourth floor where the triage desk was. The nurse was very helpful and they were able to get us into a triage room immediately. The midwife that was on duty was nice, she was also pregnant. She was not one of the three midwives that I had seen in my prenatal visits, but she made me very comfortable, the nurse on duty was also very easy to interact with. The nurse had made a comment that I looked like I had a ten pounder. The midwife told her that she should never say that to a mother that has begun labor. It didn’t bother me though; I already knew this was going to be a big boy.

They had me pee in a cup and then they strapped me to the fetal monitor. I didn’t like that much, it was uncomfortable during contractions lying on my back. The midwife also checked my cervix for dilation. Disappointingly I was only at one. She suggested that I go home, so I wouldn’t have to deal with impatient nurses and I would probably be more comfortable at home. I was dreading the drive home. Heather needed to go home and take care of her kids and she told us to check in with her through the day. We all were very tired and slightly disappointed.

Monday was the hardest day. I hadn’t slept much, or eaten anything that I could keep down. I knew I needed to eat though. Heather had suggested high protein food like eggs or peanuts. We hadn’t much food in the house. We borrowed some toast from Mandy on Sunday. On that day Donn made me dry pasta, cauliflower, eggs but I couldn’t eat any of it. I forced myself to eat some cashews that we had in the cupboard, which was more difficult than I could ever imagine. I had not drunk as much as I should have been so I had a pasty mouth and the cashews were very pasty.

Monday morning was also when my back labor started to get bad. That sucked. At about six months my midwife had mentioned that Sam was positioned sideways, so his shoulders were perpendicular to my hips. In the back of my head I had thought about back labor but I think I was trying to be optimistic and ignore the possibility until it happened.

That evening I could see Donn getting more anxious. My labor and picked up a bit. We called heather and decided to go to the hospital at about five. The trek was longer this time due to traffic. Once we got to the hospital I remember the hardest thing was having contractions because I didn’t want to bring attention to myself. The triage nurse that we got the second time was not a friendly as the one we had had that morning. The midwife wasn’t either. At that time I was dilated to four and my water was partially broke. I was so relieved to not have to go home again. They told me that I was a bit dehydrated so I had to drink some apple juice, I didn’t mind except that they gave me ice. I don’t like ice.

It seemed like forever that we had to wait in the triage room. At one point Heather had gone to ask about our room. It was the coming of the full moon, which was on the ninth. So there was an influx of women having babies that night. Due to this fact I was not able to do the water birth that I had so wanted. I didn’t even get a regular bath I got a shower stall. That wasn’t made for women my size. Finally we got our room. Donn really needed a break at that time so Heather and I walked around the maternity ward trying to get things going and trying to turn Sam so he wouldn’t be sideways. After awhile I let the midwife break the rest of my water in hopes that that would pick up labor. It did.

The roller coaster began as soon as the rest of my water was broken. My contractions were much harder and they seemed closer together. I sat in a rocking chair and I remember trying to find a focal point. I didn’t bring anything to focus on. At on point it was a picture on the wall, and then it was the design on the nurse’s shirt. Her shirt had abstract colorful designs on it and I could imagine different things every time I looked at it. Later Heather told me that this was when I was in transition, all I know is that I was growling like an anger momma bear one minute and in a trance the next. This part was the hardest for Donn. I never thought how exhausting it would be to watch someone you love go through so much pain and there was nothing to be done about it. He cried. In between contractions I was more concerned with him than I was my own pain. Through each contraction I kept reminding myself this too shall pass.

After the rocking chair they tried to get me to poop and pee. I had nothing to do with that. The toilet was the least comfortable place for me to be, and I knew that I was not going to be able to do what they wanted me to do. With no success I then moved to the bed to lie on my side. I didn’t much like this position either. Heather and Donn were able to apply counter pressure to my back though from this position. It didn’t do much good though. They wanted me to try to empty myself one more time, which I was not too pleased about but I was able to pee a little. I asked in a not so nice tone at that point “I peed can I get up?!” it was really very uncomfortable.

From there I was then told to get n the bed on all fours. I liked this position; it helped with the back labor. The midwife pulled the cart of goodies {surgical tools} next to the bed. The nurse commented that we wouldn’t need it yet and she said we would. Her thought was that I would push Sam out relatively quick due to the fact that he was large and sideways. I think she was trying to avoid a caesarian, which had happened to people I know that had similar situations. The next thing I know I am asked to push, I was not ready for that request I think, but I pushed. It was no effort really it came very natural. That is until the ring of fire. When I reached the ring of fire I though no more I couldn’t push through that. That was my only tie of doubt. It didn’t last long, my body took over and the next thing I knew I had given birth to Sam.

I asked Donn later what I was like at this moment because I was in such a zone that I have little memory. His answer was that I was like a momma bear asking for my baby, asking if he was all right. Now because I was on all fours it was a challenge to get him to my breast while the umbilical cord was still intact but we did it very carefully. I kissed him and told him everything was all right.

He took to breastfeeding immediately, I was so happy. All my exhaustion had disappeared. When they decided to cut the umbilical cord we decided Heather should do it and she was so excited.

saturday morning i was called to my first homebirth as a doula. about 2 weeks ahead of the due date which means if the money is there i might be able to go to the mma conference OVERNIGHT in traverse city. i would be excited for the conference but just as exciting is a night of undisturbed sleep. i cannot even imagine.
satuday morning at 530am i was called by the dad and i was nursing ella. the situation was as such that i needed to get out of the house and on the road asap (she was wanting to push). i whispered to ella that she was done with "mea mea" she rolled over. as soon as i started getting dressed she woke and was wimpering on the bed in protest of my preparations to leave. i crawled back into bed with her and nursed her for a minute then resorted to explaining to her why i had to leave in a desperate effort to get out of the house and keep donn from having to deal with a screaming and crying 2 year old. i looked her int he eye and told her that mama had to go bye bye. she shook her head no. i told her that there is a baby coming and i had to go help her come here. ella looked at he and replied "oh nay, bebe. oh nay." (ok, baby. ok.)and put her head down. donn told me later that she just went back to bed and even let donn sleep in a bit.
the birth was wonderful and i was only about 10 minutes late to my 10 am consult in a2. nice way to go into an interview, eh? luckily i wore black since a bulk of my morning was spent empting out a bloody birth pool. bucket by bucket. i loved it.
donn and i went to see claudia quintet at the kerrytown concert house on friday evening. the first time i saw them i was 6 months pregnant with ella. they are amazing to see. and tonight we are going to see kaki king at the ark. AND last night although i only had a bout 3-4 house sleep the night before i met some old friends at the corner brew and had a great time even though one of them is in the middle of a divorce and that was a lot of the conversation but then i moved to birth and birth experiences. we even popped over to a bar on cross but felt old and out of place when we got there. they moved onto the tap room but i decided to go home at 1am. i was done.
oh also yestrday afternoon my inlaws- mom, dad, sister, sister and husband and nephew. came down for the afternoon. it was the best time i have ever had with them . spent most of the afternoon laughing. we decided that along with the walker xmess party that we are also having the stroud family christmas at our house. that will be one crazy weekend. but i love being married into a bigger family especially now that donns sisters and m yself get along like 3 peas in a pod. i love having "sisters". its a new one for me and something i have always wanted.
this is turning out to be an absolutely lovely weeknd and its not even over yet.

it snowed today. can you believe it. i can..its michigan.

to say things have been busy would be an understatement. i am stealing a moment here because the wiggles movie is on. i HAD to make some work phone calls so i resorted to tv which i avoid like the plague but desperate times call for desperate measures.
i was blessed to have attend a lovely birth at st. joe last friday. it was absolutely wonderful and much needed for me. i am waiting on two more births this month and i have holding on to a sliver of hope that they will go before the mma conference so i can go. a night away....wow, i cannot even imagine.
i am needed 2 or 3 contracts signed this month to make bills. sometimes i hate being self employed. but i had a consult last week and one on saturday. also there are also the folks that might ask after the end of my current cbe series. i have had a few massage clients this month so that has covered groceries. so all is good.
we are thinking about sending donn to school and i am really excited but nervous about the financial thing. but if i look at it as an investment that might be better. also i would pay a million dollars to get donn out of his job and doing something he was interested in. also a friend mentioned that we could take some of the student loans to pay off current credit card debt to lower or present output. thats appealing. plus i think we can get grants since we are low income and have two kids. he is looking to take 2 classes this winter. very exciting. it will be hard but i think he will really love it. it makes me want to go back to school. someday it will be my turn.
the zine is coming along and i got my first flitters of "its real" this afternoon when stacia told me we have advertisers!!!! i have been mulling over what my written contribution could be...dunno.. but it will come in time i guess...soon though would be nice. getting time to do something i think is more of an issue. writing is hard enough but trying to write something halfass good in the mix of the spin cycle of life is no easy task.
homeschooling is going well. this week is a bit disorganized but it ebbs and flows. next week will be better after our crazy weekend. sam likes doing his activity books and my mom gets schooley with him every chance she gets.
this weekend is as follows
friday-claudia quintet in the evening with donn, dave and george
saturday- donn has the reptile show, i have a consult at 10 am, and donns sister and mom might come out for the day
sunday- uu in the morning, cpr class 1-6 and kaki king at the ark in the evening!!!!!!!
i kind of hope donns mom and sister come on monday instead of saturday. too busy i tell you and on call for two births and i need to fit a 38 week prenatal in and a post partum visit in there somewhere.

so sam has been thinking about death lately. a subject that i swore i would be honest with him about sinceit was such an issue for me as a kid. on ellsworth is a pole with teddy bears and letters taped to it and sam asked what that was about. i told him that someone might have died there in a car accident. he asked if he could go look at it and i said yes. soon after he changed his mind. a few minutes later he started asking me what happens when you die...thats a tough one for an almost 6 year old. i told him that they are no longer on earth and some say that folks go to a better place when they die. he was ok with it but did share that he was afraid to die. i told him i understood how he felt but it is nothing for him to worry about becuase he doesnt need to think about it for along long time... like when i am a grown up he asks. yes when you are a grown up. this is really one of those parenting times that you hope you said the right thing. he seems ok with it and comfotable talking to me about it.
another question that came up recently was if we could get a pet parrot like nates. i told him not in our house but when he gets older and has his own place he can get one. that threw him for a loop. it hadnt dawned on him yet that he wouldnt live with us at some point. understandable sincei live withmy mom mind you. but he informed me that he will live with us forever but ella wont she will have her own place as a grown up. sounds about right to me the way things are going.
well i am of to make spinach tofu egg rolls for a late lunch snack. oops.

the preying mantis is back...with wings!!
yesterday i went to the birthnetwork conference. it was a long but inspirational day. it is nice to go to things like this as a recharge for doing this work. barbara harper of waterbirth international spoke for 2-2hour sessions and some of the information she was sharing was really interesting about physiology of birth and its effects. there are so many notes i have from yesterday that i plan on researchign further. she is the type of woman that you just want to hang out with and talk to or just be a fly on the wall everywhere she goes. shes funny and has ovaries of steele. a OB in tiwan was explaining to her at a conference that she had to give episotomies to all asain women because they were too small to birth babies. her reply was "thats bullshit! do you understand what bullshit is?" it was gret to listen to her. much better than henci goer last year.
in the evening we got to see birth the play. it is kind of like a vagina monologues for birth. it was really good. i am thinking of sontacting the author and see how to get a copy to do a performance here in ypsi/a2 maybe in march which is womens month. i was thinking labor day weekend which is when they launched it this year but i dont want to wait that long. plus everyone wont be out of town. i was thinking maybe at the corner brewery. they have half the place for shows and such, its non smoking and childfriendly with beer. plus it is in ypsi- you cant lose with that. it might also be a good launch date for the birth magazine that myself and a couple of friend of mine are working on. hmmm...... nice hook eh? also contacting WCBN about putting the BIRTH radio documentary on in march.
it is lovely to be inspired again.
i thought i was going to have 2 births this week. one-my client induction sunday/monday at 42 weeks and donns cousin induction at 34 weeks for broken h2o 3 ish weeks ago been on bed rest in the hospital since. well i thought donns cousin was going in for induction on wed. i was wrong monday morning. so i found her a doula for free and feel good about it. if i am available i might try to make it out. she is a vbac and i would love to help her as much as poss. so only 1 birth planned this week.
i have been playing around with the idea of going to homebirths in some capacity but i have decided to bail on this thought. the opportunities are there but i need to not over do it right now and i am pretty extended as it is. i need to concentrate on the kids and family, homeschooling, childbirth ed, doula work, and massage. and somewhere in there try to have a social life as to not go crazy. some day it will be time but not now.
did you know there is a city in Iran that has a c-section rate of 100%? pretty freakin' crazy eh? scary that we are almost half way there in this counrty....

the praying mantis now resides on our mailbox. after living in a vivarium in our room and eating wild caught crickets he was released to where we found him....he has decided to stay. so every morning when we go out i m ake sure he is out of the way of the mailbox door for the mailman and he waves hello.

catch of the day. the mantis. sam found him on our mailbox.....he is sooooo excited. i am feeling a bit of guilt since when i cought it, it was a bit upset understandably so. sam wants to keep him for his collection but it is so beautiful i dont know if i will let him. we might observe it and feed it for a few days and let it go. but i have to say that would be pretty cool in the collection. quite a find. i assumeing that it is a female since females are usually the less colorful or maybe it is just a certain type of mantis that is brown. we will look into that later. ella is not dealing well this morning so it will be a project for later. we were just very excited to share.

this is the first piece that i have finished in a very long time. i like the real thing better than the photo but i wanted to share. the bug is one of many periodical cicadas that we collected in 2004. they have been sitting in a container in the garage for 2 years it is nice to see one out on display.

so my herbal recipe notebook has gone missing. i can picture it somewhere but i dont know where. so i googled a comfrey salve for my family with its random skin ailments. ella is the focus of this batch. usually it was donn or sam especially after the steroid creme incident at the peds when he was 2. so i am giong to post it here for all to share and so i dont lose it.
i swear after two kids they start to steal bits of your brain while you are asleep.

so this is from mountain rose herbs whom i really like to buy from personally.


Here's a super simple recipe for comfrey salve recipe to utilize all that comfrey in your garden!
This salve also makes great gifts for friends and family.
I like to put up big batches in the summer and give them out at the holidays.
2 cups good quality olive oil
~ 1 ounce (about two tablespoons) fresh comfrey leaves (or 1/2 ounce dried)
~ 1 ounce (about two tablespoons) fresh lavender flowers (or 1/2 ounce dried)
~ 1 ounce (about two tablespoons) fresh calendula flowers (or 1/2 ounce dried)
~ 1/2 cup beeswax
~ Gently warm the olive oil and the herbs in the top of a double boiler for about 30 minutes. Stir frequently. It should bubble a bit at the edges, but not throughout the mixture.
~ Strain out the oil by pouring through a strainer.
~ Discard herbs and reserve oil.
~ Melt your beeswax in the top of the double boiler.
~ Add the strained oil and stir until completely blended.
~ Pour the mixture into jars or salve tins.
~ Once it is cool, label and date your creation.

this is my love for ypsi post and a cicada. the tiles are from the court yard between the library and bombadills. i love the buildings in ypsi.
and the random periodical cicada from a couple of years ago. i found our collection this morning and thought i would share. sam is BIG into bug collecting this summer. i hope to post his bug board ..... that is when mom gets organized enough to get her stuff together to do it.

projects all around. sams volcano. my belly cast from ella finally getting painted. ellas project is wooing eamon. she is obsessed with him and the garden. the comfrey is a bit sad and the lovage is barely hanging in there but i have hope that they will come though. i cannot wait until it fills in over the years. i am also excited maybe next year for donn to put in a koi pond in that patch of grass there.

ellas birthday finally! notice the action shot of her backhand to sam when he tried to get in on her gifts. cute but fiesty.