a new year

it has been a hard, stressful, amazing, busy, painful year.

my children have grown and are becoming amazing people. many babies have come into my life this year most professionally but also some wonderful friends have joined the ranks of parent hood this year. it was a year of loss on both sides of our family and life changing events. both of our lives have been busy with work and school (a wonderful change and hope for a satisfying future and feeding a passion for big daddy). we have bent to the changes that have come our way with strength as a unit and as individuals.

i am blessed for all i have and welcome this new year with an open mind and an open heart for all it has to offer.

mad at discovery channel

for those of you who has on demand please do this test for me.
go to discovery health
go to pregnancy
watch the 2 minute piece on epidurals
then watch the 8 minute piece on "natural chldbirth"

*spoiler*
nothing to surprising about the epidural one

BIG FAT BUT
the natual childbirth one went from this mom wanting to have a natural birth 1)laboring in bed to 2) having pre eclampsia and needing mag sulph to 3)getting some drug i think ( i was livid at this point) to the vaginal birth and then4) talking about her tearing and the 6 week recover of the trauma (mind you epidural moms do tear also but they didnt mention it). wtf?

i immediately got on the discovery channel site and emailed them my disgust that the biased promotion of societal dysfunction. please if you feel as i do email them and get that shit of the cable airwaves.

tonight

i believe in santa. and i hope it lasts ..... i am tired of being a grown up.

scrooge

i must admit it is a scrooge year this year for me. i am trying to pull myself up from my bootstraps but it is an effort.

i am looking forward to tonight - getting ready for santas arrival. this is the first year the bean is really understanding what is going on. it is really cool actually.

most of the shopping/gift preparing is done. i am very excited to give my dad and his wife their gift. we get pretty creative with them and i think i topped the list this year.

i think this is the last year we will be getting away with the easy christmas. i think next year the monkey may get more creative in trying to see or get record of evidence of santas arrival. i have hear of parents having to get very creative fulfilling their childs need to have proof. rigging video cameras, bells on the roof (yes i know of someone who did that) and many more elaborate deeds. the monkey tried to go that route this year- video camera but i nixed it. maybe next year with some planning it could be a cool addition to the spirit of the season.

off to give the xmess eve bath- cant be taking stinky kids to grandpas house now can we?

disbelief

i am looking at 80-ish pages of weight that i will be leaving on this desk to be mailed out tomorrow by a lovely lady- then in a few weeks hopefully i will hear that i am totally done with this nightmare certification.

really it was not that the certification was a nightmare it was that the timing was a nightmare. i decided..... no I did not decide- circumstance decided that i would be doing these two certifications at the same time while 1. working 2. running a household of four and 3. homeschooling my kids. not to mention there have been two deaths in the family this fall. this past year has seemed like a mad scramble... kind of like an hour and a half labor where the mom asks you to stay postpartum an extra 6 hours because she just cannot catch up to what happened to her. professionally this past year has been on super fast forward. i am so blessed and lucky for the opportunities that have come my way but it has taken its toll. i am ready for a respite on this climb up the mountain.

after this i have the 50 essay question take home exam to finish and have in the mail by 1/4/08 for my other certification. then after that is approved- one more module and i am done with that certification.

then i go for the neonatal resuscitation certification 1/12/08.

then i am done with any certifications for at least a year.

after all this i will be Miss Thang, CMT, CD(DONA), CBE

haywired

there is a misconception about me, being that i am a birth worker folks assume that i like hanging out with little babies.

now i am not anti-baby i am just much more comfortable around babies when their mother is around. or father for that matter. holding a fussy or crying baby sends crazy stress triggers through my body making me very tense.

i love holding newborns especially within the first few hours. i find it fascinating. but beyond that i know i do not have what they need now what they want and i really honor that.

now if the mom or dad really NEEDED a break because they were about to go postal or have a breakdown i can step up to the plate with flying colors because at that time although the baby thinks being with mommy is the best place on the planet i know that it is not. i am good with that.

i dont get the baby itch. i never had a burning need to be/get pregnant. i never had a great draw to them as a young person so i must come to the conclusion that i am just not wired as such. i did ok in my childrens baby years, in a survival sense, but i would win no awards i will tell you that now. i was blessed that i decided to breastfeed - i think that was my saving grace. i loved my kids as babies but it was definitely not our strong point in the parenting path.

we are now finding that we (donn and i) are just more suited to the older child. the questioner, the thinker, the kids who do the darndest things. i am good with that.

ask and ye shall receive

so i prayed for some clients and they came calling. yay. perfect timing with the holidays. there is something about the simple magic of the universe that amazes me sometimes.

today we tried to make "ginger bread" houses out of graham crackers and the like and they ended up looking more like post katrina ginger bread houses. but the kids had messy fin so all is well.

yesterday i sent off the ever dreaded outline project for proofing. so far it looks good i think. it will soon be sent for the official stamp of approval and out of my mind for a bit. a year long headache done!

the other big project has at least been started and i have chosen to take a new out look of "it is not the end of the world". if i send it in and get it back for revisions so be it. but i am a freaky anal perfectionist at times so this is a lesson in letting go.

the bean tonight was afraid of the monsters and big daddy and she got into a discussion of how zombies actually cannot open doors because they do the (the bean demonstrates) arms out forward with the "uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhh" sound. so we are safe along with the anti monster dust we have ever where.

i recently signed up for online bill pay. i was against it for a ling time. there is something about physically sending a bill out that made me feel better. i must say though since doing this bills are so much easier although i have not mastered the balancing method yet. i had a great balancing method before (not perfect but it was a method) and finding mew rituals for chores is not an easy change.

speaking of i need to go work on my new ritual.

i covet

tonight i almost bought this. the 20 year old boy from toledo was so adorable and a great sales man. i even agreed to the "great deal" $40/mo $0 down for ......... $1086 total. yes i agreed and then came to my frugal self. i was almost hte owner of a freaking kick ass vaccume and much more. i so still want this vaccume (and so does big daddy) it is amazing. i want. i want. i want. ok, i feel better now.

part of me is happy i didn't but the other part of me is so sadd i did not. they vaccumed the monkeys bed, the stairs, the rig..... amazing and the mechanic of it made sense compared to our current vaccume that now blow a fuse every time you use it.

and did i tell you that this sales boy was trying ot get an all expense paid trip to Chicago. oh i feel so bad. but even after i pulled the plug he was sweet and told me i was the nicest customer they had had and gave me a hug. he was adorable with a great laugh.

i am mourning over te loss of the vaccumei never owned. someday i will own this lovely wonder. and i so very much hope that sweet boy gets to chicago.

teeth

teeth teeth everywhere. my sweet monkey is growing up.

Thich Nhat Hahn

Thay's 14 Precepts:

---

Do not be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones. All systems of thought are guiding means; they are not absolute truth.

Do not think that the knowledge you presently possess is changeless, absolute truth. Avoid being narrow-minded and bound to present views. Learn and practice non-attachment from views in order to be open to receive others' viewpoints. Truth is found in life and not merely in conceptual knowledge. Be ready to learn throughout our entire life and to observe reality in yourself and in the world at all times.

Do not force others, including children, by any means whatsoever, to adopt your views, whether by authority, threat, money, propaganda, or even education. However, through compassionate dialogue, help others renounce fanaticism and narrowness.

Do not avoid contact with suffering or close your eyes before suffering. Do not lose awareness of the existence of suffering in the life of the world. find ways to be with those who are suffering by all means, including personal contact and visits, images, sound. By such means, awaken yourself and others to the reality of suffering in the world.

Do not accumulate wealth while millions are hungry. Do not take as the aim of you life fame, profit, wealth, or sensual pleasure. Live simply and share time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need.

Do not maintain anger or hatred. As soon as anger and hatred arise, practice the meditation on compassion in order to deeply understand the persons who have caused anger and hatred. Learn to look at other beings with the eyes of compassion.

Do not lose yourself in dispersion and in your surroundings. Learn to practice breathing in order to regain composure of body and mind, to practice mindfulness, and to develop concentration and understanding.

Do not utter words that can create discord and cause the community to break. Make every effort to reconcile and resolve all conflicts, however small.

Do not say untruthful things for the sake of personal interest of to impress people. Do not utter words that cause diversion and hatred. Do not spread news that you do not know to be certain. Do not criticize or condemn things you are not sure of. Always speak truthfully and constructively. Have the courage to speak out about situations of injustice, even when doing so may threaten your own safety.

Do not use the Buddhist community for personal gain or profit, or transform your community into a political party. A religious community should, however, take a clear stand against oppression and injustice, and should strive to change the situation without engaging in partisan conflicts.

Do not live with a vocation that is harmful to humans and nature. Do not invest in companies that deprive others of their chance to life. Select a vocation which helps realize your ideal compassion.

Do not kill. Do not let others kill. Find whatever means possible to protect life and to prevent war.

Possess nothing that should belong to others. Respect the property of others but prevent others from enriching themselves from human suffering or the suffering of other beings.

Do not mistreat your body. Learn to handle it with respect. Do not look on your body as only and instrument. Preserve vital energies (sexual, breath, spirit) for the realization of the Way. Sexual expression should not happen without love and commitment. In sexual relationships be aware of future suffering that may be caused. To preserve the happiness of others, respect the rights and commitments of others. Be fully aware of the responsibility of bringing new lives into the world. Meditate on the world into which you are bringing new beings.

Do not believe that I feel that I follow each and every of these precepts perfectly. I know I fail in many ways. None of us can fully fulfill any of these. However, I must work toward a goal. These are my goal. No words can replace practice, only practice can make the words.

"The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon."

off call

i am off call for the first time in ages. it is an odd and wonderful feeling. just the gray cloud that i would carry everyday of the possible call that i would have to drop my life on a dime. it is amazing the stress that gets built up if you do it long enough. feeling like i am always working even thought i am not technically. tied to my cell phone. feeling like i cannot do certain things in fear that i will get called in the middle. i have had two other separate birth working on call folk bring up these same points to me since i have brought up that i am off call. this realization makes me feel better about what i charge to be on call. i was questioning it but being able to step back and see how being on call effects myself and my family puts it in perspective.

i am a night person and never feel like i can stay up just in case i get called. i get most things done in the late night- i am the productive owl. i feel like i can stay up and relax with my amazing and supportive husband. plan for the next day knowing i will be present to execute (or attempt to execute) my plans for the day.

i love what i do but i do need to have more intentional off call periods. because i was getting to the point where i wanted to flush my cell phone down the toilet and move north to live in my yurt on jerky and yogurt.

the aftermath

lovely dinner with A LOT of leftovers.

making the carcass into broth and making turkey schmaltz. now with that i will make a variation of this recipe

Griessnockerlsuppe

Beef Broth with semolina Dumplings

Servings: 12

SEMOLINA DUMPLINGS (24):

2 cups semolina flour, coarse

3 whole eggs

6 oz. soft butter (schmaltz)

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 pinch nutmeg

BEEF BROTH: (turkey broth)

5 lbs. beef bones

3 whole carrots

1 medium red onion

1/2 stalk celery

salt & peppercorns

bay leaves

chopped chives

SEMOLINA DUMPLINGS:

in a small bowl whisk the soft butter until creamy, add salt and nutmeg.

Add eggs one at a time. Make sure the mixture is creamy and airy.

Slowly add the semolina flour until all semolina is mixed with egg mixture.

Cover the mixture and let it rest for 30 minutes in the refrigerator.

Heat water (1/2 gallon) in deep sauce pan and bring to a boil.

Scoop out small dumplings with a soup spoon and form 24 oval dumplings

in the palm of your hand and drop them gently into the boiling water.

Bring to a slow boil and let the dumplings simmer for 10 minutes.

The dumplings are done when they rise to the top

Remove from salt water and place in hot beef broth, 2 nockerl per person.

Top with chopped chives.

BEEF BROTH:

Rinse beef bones. In a large soup pot (4-5 gallons), cover the bones with 2 1/2 gallons of water and all the ingredients. Bring soup to a boil and simmer at low heat for 2 hours.

Skim the foam whenever it builds up on the soup.

Before finishing the soup, check for seasoning and strain through cheese cloth.

Serve soup in a bowl with 2 semolina dumplings.

Garnish with chopped chives

nummies! i had some german semolina dumpling soup at a birth once and have been craving it for the past year.

right nowi am watching dirty dancing.... only on the holidays. :)

kinda local thanksgiving (maybe got 80%)

so i went for the 100 mile local thanksgiving again this year. my mum really wanted a traditional big thanksgiving so i had some resistance to the local thing. with that and a death in the family (memorial the day before thanksgiving) and a birth this past week (the day i was to go out to the royal oak farmers market) i think we did ok.

so here it is:

15 pound turkey - local
stuffing
butter- local
bread- local
onions- local
celery- not local
seasoning- not local
mashed potatoes
pots- not local
milk- local
butter- local
cream cheese- local
sour cream- not local
shrimp dip
shrimp- not local
worcestershire sauce- not local
dried onions- not local
cream cheese- local
corn chips- local and not local (for the curmudgeons)
cheese and grape appetizer- not local (so unfortunate mum bought the stuff)
green beans- local
donns corn dish- a little local (butter & jiffy cornbread mix ;)
pumpkin bread- not local (except sugar)(didnt have time to bake pumpkin and someone only trusted canned pumpkin)
pumpkin pies- not local but homemade (again with the pumpkin)
whipped cream- local
half and half- local
coffee- not local
rolls- local
wine- local
beer- local

so all being said i think we did a smash up job and the turkey is absolutely lovely! guests are here.

happy turkey day!

i have for the most part done this most years for holidays and birthdays (much to my families chagrin) but this year i made it official. my goal is to make most of what i give but this year with a lot of work stuff going on buying handmade will be good too.

the year i was pregnant with the monkey was officially the first handmade christmas - scarves, blankets, candels, cards out of dried sponges and much more. it was great last year when i found the scarf i made my mother with the tag still on.... nice. and a few years ago i found a alabaster sculpture i made my dad in his storage...... i took it back. ;) so with that some may just get a nice basket of home made food or framed kid art.

goodbye grandpa

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

micro researching.

so i am digging around for alternative info on arthritis and thought i would throw it out here if anyone else could use the info.

here are some links:

Homeopathic remedies to relieve immediate pain and joint stiffness may include Rhus toxicodendron or Bryonia-more info found here


General info here

More on Rhus Tox here

And more here form the Arthritis Foundation

Cider Vinegar


more later....kids a calling.

In love and stuff

our little get away to k-zoo was not even 24 hours but it was absolutely lovely. but before i get into that let me briefly talk about the build up.

big daddy and i have not taken a getaway from the kiddos in 7 years. there was one night when the monkey was two or three that we had a night off in our own home but that ended up as a poopy night. we dropped him off at 7pm at my brothers (my mom was there too) and my mom dropped him off at 11am after letting his stay up for about 4 hours in the middle of the night watching cartoons so to say the least he was a nightmare when we got him home.

so we planned this getaway to k-zoo a couple of months ago- one night away. i have been on call for a client and she called on tuesday to update and tell me they scheduled her for an induction next tuesday and her husband was thinking the baby would come on saturday (the day we were to jet out of town) so i was very anxious about missing this night away. big daddy would understand but it would be disappointing. he worked really hard finding a hotel and places to eat. he was awesome.

i get a call on thursday about the drs wanting to induce my client. ok, i thought, although i was not too sure about why they wanted to induce her- the reasons are still pretty questionable. they ended up calling me in on friday morning and after a long hard laboring the baby arrived saturday morning. i was home by 8am (on 1 hour of sleep) in time for big daddy to go to school and for me to take the kids to martial arts class (a make up class since he missed thursday-we had a false alarm with the induction and i went in on thursday night only to be sent home). after that i cleaned the kids rooms like a mad woman we played webkinz (i am totally hooked on cash cow) and watched chronicles of narnia. big daddy got home from school we packed waited for my mom and we were off. got to k-zoo at 7ish.

it took us about 40 minutes to find the damn hotel and calling twice for directions. bad direction giving by the receptionist. big daddy went in and got the key and we were off to dinner at The London Grille as suggested. IT WAS AWESOME!!! appetizer, we both had steaks, he had a beer i had an irish coffee and we split a nice scotch. thanks time for the great suggestion. it was a really great evening over all. absolutely great to hang out with my lovely husband uninterrupted. i forgot how much i really love hanging out with him- jackass and all.

we were planning on sleeping in but the biological alarm clocks would not allow. so we lazed and loafed a bit and were out by 10:30. breakfast was iffy but the coffe on the way out of toen made up for it. it was from the water street coffee across form bells brewery. i wish we had breakfast there. the ride home was fun. i did a postpartum visit at the hospital while big daddy read in the lobby. and home we went.

we got the kids new webkinz which they were totally geeked over- the monkey really wanted the platypus looking one and pouted about it when we went to frankenmuth a couple of weeks ago. and my mom wanted the house rearranged for the BIG thanksgiving dinner (of which i still need to buy a lot of stuff for the 100 mile local thanksgiving) so we whipped that up (it looks great actually and there is room for the free stand up piano i am looking for) and were off to friends house for dinner. bi-bim-bop. it was wonderful company and homemade bi-bim-bop cannot be beat. btw i think big daddy has found his long lost brother in jackasshood. it is heeeelarious.

after that i dropped the kiddos at home and was off to practice the songe i am to sing at my grandfather memorial on wednesday. i didnt even know the song until tonight. that was causing some stress but now i feel a little better. i just hope i dont get all sappy and cry or get shaky voice from nerves. that would suck.

this week is going to be strange and very busy. i will be happy to have it behind me. then i have to bust out these two projects and i will be golden. it kind of sucks that i have to have a close cut deadline to get anything done.

ps- thanks to those who checked in on me this weekend and sent happy thoughts. that makes a gal happy. ;)

btw. i totally want to move to k-zoo.

dolmas...

who knew they were so yummy???

a2 coop much better than ypsi coop unfortunately. i see an over indulgence in my future.

hmmmm.

why do they call them "grave blankets" and "grave pillows"?

and

doesn't one have better things to spend $100 on?

mental floss

i have two big projects due before christmas. that being so my mind starts to wander and procrastinate. here is where i go in that noggin of mine-

-i want to go get a masters in bioethics at MSU with intention to move on to a Phd to work towards ethical regulation of homebirth midwifery.... or something like that.

-i want to buy my ever coveted jewelers bench and fill my tanks to make jewelry again

-i want to quit all my jobs and be a stay home mom only

-i want to be a midwife assistant and maybe a midwife when my kids are older

-i want to travel teaching doula trainings

-i want to go get my masters in jewelry

-i want to live a while year on completely local and seasonal food.

-i want to raise goats

-i want to live in a yurt

-i want to interview senior citizen women and collect their birth stories

-i want to travel

-i want to be super mom

-i am very happy with my amazing family

-i am so happy my marriage is getting better every day

-i am happy with the work i do