Yesterday we got our christmas tree and today was decorating day. Although a wee bit stressful, the tree looks lovely. We are now officially in the holiday spirit.

After some crazies and grumpiness we settled into the day about 1pm. I want to rearranging and cleaning and big daddy was cleaning out his closet. I went down stairs and the monkey was listening to a book on tape looking out the front window drawing a still life of the items on the front porch. For some reason this was a proud moment for me. With my back ground in art it warms me to see my son voluntarily finding an artistic moment and acting on it. It was on a lined notebook and a loose sketch but none the less it was wonderful.

While the monkey was doing this my lovely bean in true form was breaking stuff. Unfortunately today she hurt herself but bounced back quickly.

I am thinking I may be a person who needs to map out my week. I have traditionally been a fly by the seat of my pants kind of gal but that was more conducive to my on-call lifestyle. As I step back from that craziness I am finding that it is easier to plan things and actually preferable. So now I need systems in place to get things going and working. But first I need order and cleanliness. On that note I am off to clean.

I know my limits.

Wednesday I had a fairy playdate for the bean.

We decided to make cookies - me and three 4 year olds making cookies. I am aware that I have control issues occasionally but they are usually not focused on doing things with the kids. Writing, art, even cleaning their rooms - I am pretty chill. But I have met my limit with cooking. I cannot cook with my or other children without getting twitchy. I love to cook and bake. I cannot even cook with my husband most of the time without a little bickering.

There was flour everywhere, everyone wanting to use the rolling pin and roll everything paper thin or cutting out monstrously thick cookies so some burn and some are underdone. Oh my goodness.

Luckily, I was able to identify my twitchies and step away and let the ladies do their thing. I came back to a mountain of flour and some messy ladies but they had fun. And inthe end they were all totally jacked up on sugar from the frosting.

A good day.

Tuesday Free Day

Every other Tuesday I get four hours without my children whom I love dearly but eventually need a break from. Today is my Tuesday.

It has given me something to look forward to everyday. It is like a mini christmas.

Today I am going to go sit in the dry sauna and read (maybe fall asleep since i hardly slept last night). I am going to try to get a chunk of the kids Christmas shopping done. Go to the bank and if there is time slowly peruse the racks at Value World.

Ahhh....quiet sanity for a time.

side note - almost the entire time i have been typing this the monkey has been giving me his dissertation on Playmobil weaponry

Life Learning - I like that better then Homeschooling

This fall seems to have been the season for me to get into my "homeschool" groove. It has helped tremendously to have met some lovely ladies with boys my age and to have found a group that meets weekly for regular activities.

I realized that like most things homeschooling is so much better when you have a tribe, for me and for my kids. I especially have been blessed with a little fairy who has taken my by the hand and made this year so enjoyable and shown me so many resources like this wonderful one. I linked it to the page with the awesome educational card games that I want to start collecting.

We have gotten into the groove of books on tape which has been wonderful. The monkey and I really love them and the Bean.....not so much at this moment. We have listened to The Penderwicks (i loved this one), How to Eat fried Worms (an oldie but a goodie), Pipi Longstocking, Superfudge (i was disappointed to find that they de-bunk Santa but I think the Monkey missed it) , Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great, Ramona Quimbly Age 8, Ramona and her Mother, Toys Go Out (al three of us liked this one), I feel like a am missing a few but right now we are listening to Whittington.

We are also working our way through the Little House series. We started with Farmer boy as suggested by a friend. We are about to finish Little House in the Big Woods and move to Little House on the Praire by Thanksgiving. It is very inspiring to go back to simple living.

I recently made an order to Singapose Math. We got the first math text and work book that was way to simple for the Monkey when we got it so the Bean is working on it. It is going well, she likes ot have her own workbooks. I also ordered their English Grammar book that we are working our way through and seem to like. The Monkey does a journal entry every morning and I pick 2-3 vocabulary words for him to copy from his entry. I really like this exercise but he does not feel so fondly about it to say the least. (oh, the drama) I also picked up a collection of basic science books that is good at covering the basics and filling in some holes that the Monkey may be missing.

We have also found the best website ever for kids - BrainPop and BrainPopjr. We signed up for a year and we have already gotten our moneys worth. We are a family that uses the computer and I feel it is a great tool for learning. The monkey will spend good chunks of time just wandering through learning about this and that. It is a great jumping off point for many topics of discussion. In the Health category there is a section there are many topics that you would think would be there but there are also bits on internet safety, relationships and even divorce. The last topic I really appreciated how they covered this topic. I have talked to the Monkey before about the divorce but it seemed to sink in a bit further with the websites presentation. (it was very well done)

As always the Monkey is asking for more and more science. BrainPop seems to fill that need when he has an itch for new information. This winter will be the season for busting out the microscope and discovering the micro world around us. I am reading Good Germs, Bad Germs by Jessica Snyder Sachs. It has my brain buzzing with amazing information and I am still on chapter one. I am slowly going through this chapter because it covers the initial colonization of the human body at and after childbirth. So cool and fascinating how the system has come up with its own perfect way of working and protecting itself over time evolving with microorganisms. I am taking the time to let it sink in and work through in my head how this process is getting completely thrown out of whack by modern obstetrics. Maybe just maybe it could be one of the reasons we have chronic immune disorders, so many more allergies, and who knows what else. It covers beautifully how the body is built to fight against the infection of Gonorrhea, Clymidia and Group B strep in the newborn at chilbirth - the wonderful Lactobaccili which feed on the sugary glycogen that the vaginal environment starts producing midway through the pregnancy. There is so much more in this book that is opening so many new strains of thought for me. It is mind candy :)

In other exciting kid news we have discovered the wonder of Playmobil. I am in love. One thing that is great is that both kids can have their sets and build on them be it princesses or roman warriors but they can be played with together and interchangeably. We had done that with our mishmosh of toys over the years but it works better when they are all the same kind of toy. I may be a toy snob here but it just flows better. AND they are affordable! I feel like I can pop out and get the kids a treat of a new Playmobil thing for $8.

My plan is to update here on our travels as Life Learners and for the family update thing. I should try to update everyday - I make no promises but I shall try.

(btw- if you read the last post you would have noticed that i did not quite follow my "curriculum" that I came up with- we ditched time4learning and then found BrainPop. This is an ever changing path for us and we seem to be taking awhile to get our sea legs but my homeschool fairy has helped greatly! We did finish the Bone series as far as it is available at this time and are eagerly awaiting the release of book 9 in 2009)

our homeschooling

this year i am trying to get more organized and having a "curriculum" this year that i wrote. nothing big but some jumping off points. Aesops Fables, The Story of the World, the Little house series, time4learning, journaling, some science books but the coolest thing about this year is that we have fallen into graphic novels. the monkey and i are on the third book of Bone. we love it!

the bean picked up and Adventures in OZ which looks really interesting.

I was excited to find that the library had Hayao Miyazaki's -Kiki's Delivery Service, Spirited Away and My Neighbor Tortoro in "picture book".

I even found an adapted Moby Dick graphic novel. I am going to try to order this from the library or if anyone wants to get this for us for christmas that would be cool too....wink wink ;).

Link to a list of graphic novels for young readers.

Zombies and Logic

Before I met Big Daddy zombies rarely entered my mind. During our courting period I was told that I had to watch Cemetery Man, Big Daddy's all time favorite film at the time(it still may be but I do not want to make any assumptions on his behalf). At the time my favorite films were those about the Holocaust and Roberto Benigni movies. I thought Cemetery Man was campy and did not appreciate it as I might now being more acclimated to zombies. I can still picture the flies suspended by fishing wire.

Since then I have only been subjected to watch a few other zombie flicks. I am usually not able to sit through the whole thing. The most recent was Zombies Anonymous.

In the evenings Big Daddy will relax by playing Resident Evil on the PSII. Not something I would deem relaxing but to each their own. I usually need to leave the room when he plays. What can I say I am a delicate bird. ;)

Being that we had a boy first it did not take long to our fair child to find a love for zombies like his father. The bean has recently become aware of the zombie undertones in our lives. A few months ago the bean came into the TV room upstairs where Big Daddy and I were hanging out and she was worried about zombies getting her. She was genuinely concerned.

We could not convince her that zombies are not real. So Big Daddy resorted to logic.
-He asked the Bean how zombies walk.
-The bean held her arms out straight and did the zombie walk, she even moaned like a zombie.
-He then asked her "if zombies walk like that how would the open a door to get in the house?"
-She realized that zombies could not open doors and felt better.
-She then trotted off to bed.

Parenting is not as I thought it would be but it makes it that much more interesting.

Next I will post about my children's obsession with amputees. Oh, the conversations we have ;)

What a weekend!

Thursday I had a hankering for La Fiesta so the kids and I walked down for lunch. While there an old friend from the Zing days walked in with his wife. I always thought Ian was Big Daddy's little brother in another place and time. I invited them over for dinner Friday evening as a surprise for big daddy. Dinner and an exciting game of Clue! Big Daddy was pleasantly surprised. It was really nice to hang out with Ian and his wife(plus he was homeschooled so I got to pick his brain)

Saturday I was up early to head off to Julie's to help get ready for the wedding she was catering that evening. I had a really good time. I miss working in food. Julie is an amazing cook and my car has smelled amazing since Saturday. I was supposed to help through the entire event but my client called at 6pm-ish cookin' in labor. A couple of phone calls after the initial call I headed out to her house and she was in transition. She was very chill- so smiley and sweet. When we got to the hospital she was complete. The baby was born a few hours later but she had a bit of trouble stabilizing after delivery- nothing big but I didn't feel comfortable leaving. I got home about 3:30am.

Sunday morning my sister-in-law was coming out with my nieces to hang out. Big daddy was off to help a friend build a fence. Mom had talked about going to the Heritage Festival but I was soooo not up for it. My sis-in-law sensed that and suggested we just hang out. I was beat and very thankful to just chill at home. My sister-in-law lectured me on my life and how she is concerned about me and my well-being. It was very sweet but what could I say?

I am feeling recovered today. Yesterday was a bit funky but today is good.

simple gifts

The other night I had a prenatal and a postpartum visit. I ended up driving all over town after a day of driving to Auburn Hills (the Monkey, Nona and I took the Bean to go see The Wiggles).
I was actually able to keep my visits to one hour each so I was not gone until really late.
As I was driving home I reflected on the simple gifts in life. My family was one amazing gift I have. My wonderful friends, chosen family was another. An unexpected great gift were kind clients who gave me gifts of cucumbers and home brewed beer at my appointments.

Simplicity is my mantra. Balance is my goal.

summer flies by

summer flies by in a flurry of births, teaching, gardening, hanging out with family but i feel like we have done nothin' extra ordinary. other than the Massachusetts trip which was awesome.

We had three birthdays two of which were in the birth marathon week. three clients went in a seven day period. so i spent my bday at the hospital slightly sleep deprived. It usually takes a bit to recover from that so big daddys bday was spent quietly but i did go to the va-jay-jay sewing party and yes i did sew a va-jay-jay. but it was an early night-big daddy stopped by the party for food then we snuggled up at home and had a quiet night in. we took a day trip to bad axe to see my pregger sister-inlaws which was wonderful. been hanging out with some good old friends two of which just moved home (YAY!). we hit beer fest for the first time and had some good beer. I got issue VII of the birth project out just a little late but done. I had a complete melt down and sent the kids to my dads over night and spent every minute working to catch up on life and it felt great! btw - THE BIRTH PROJEC TIS NOW CARRIED AT CRAZY WISOM BOOKSTORE AND NICOLA'S BOOKS IN ANN ARBOR! we are still working on shamen drum, the buyer tyler seems to be ignoring me. but he will hear form me again. and i worked as an extra one night for the movie whip it! in detroit. that was an experience.

i feel like i have been busy but i am not sure with what. lots of laundry that is for sure. writing a schedule/cirriculum for the kids for this year, power washing my deck, and trying to pull $ out of thin air.

as usual when i get bored i need a new project so i have decided to attempt to write a screenplay. yes that is right i am jumping into those merky waters but i think i have a great idea so i am going to give it a shot. i have talked to some folks already about how to do it and off i am running. plotting scene sketches. character background and development and learning the craft and rules of screenwriting.

so folks that is it. the update. so i will now follow with a random photo update for my dad since he always likes the photos. ;) oh, and i cut 14 inches off my hair. like it?

Benefits of having a spontaneous mother.

Today, after dropping off the dog at the groomer for his annual hair chop, the kids and I decided to go for a bike ride.

Well, this bike ride turned into quite an event - We rode the B2B route from our house to Zingermans Deli in Kerry town and back. That ride is 17 miles. 17 miles that my awesome 7 year old completed. Without a peep of negativity or complaint he took the challenge on with the heart of a super trooper. The bean rode shotgun on my bike and also embraced the event with enthusiasm. She saw it as a good time to practice letters and sing rubber ducky (solo mind you - shhe nixed mom joining in the singing).

About half way through the ride home I was wondering if the monkey was hanging in ok. I stopped by St. Jo hospital for a break and decided to call my mom for a kid pick up and as soon as he heard what I was doing he hopped back on his bike and said he wanted to ride. He got his second wind.

He got a blister, another owie on the bottom of his other foot, scrapped his ankle on the petal and plowed on through it all.

He dropped his chain on the path behind my neighborhood. He said that it was a nice break. I tried to fix it then two nice ladies were walking by and they stopped to help.

It was a good day. The dog is lookin' good. Sam is feeling enormously accomplished. So am I and the only bad part was the sunburn on my shoulders from not expecting to be riding for 3.5 hours. Whoops :)

Cocktail of the hour

fresh squeezed raw rhubarb juice (sugar added)
with fresh squeezed apple and carrot juice
on ice
with Jack Daniels
and melon pieces
with a straw

The Big Trip

In three days we will be going on our first family trip. We have taken small trips to Bad Axe to see the in-laws and the like but nothing like a true family vaca.

We are leaving Thursday on the high speed road trip to Massachusetts for one day of the North American Amphibian Conference and back Monday for me to go back on call.

We will be going via Canada to see Niagra Falls. That has been the first destination on the "take the kids" list. Thursday evening we will be staying with some friends in Buffalo.

Friday morning we will be up and off to Massachusetts to camp for the night. The camp site says black bears are common visitors to the site. Big daddy told the kids and now they are a wee bit freaked out. I must admit I am too a bit tweeked but I am trying to be rational about the fact that they will most likely leave us alone even if they come around.

Saturday we will take big daddy to the conference to suck in some knowledge, schmooze a bit and get some new creatures for his collection. The spawnlings and I will go to the hotel to dink around for a bit. Maybe check out some local museums or attractions or just play in the indoor pool :). Big daddy will join us sometime later that night.

Sunday we are off to see the dinosaur tracks south of Erving Ma. The monkey is super geeked about it! Then we round it back home vis States side, maybe staying Sunday night in Buffalo at our friends or driving straight through. Not sure yet.

Whew! Home again Home again jiggity jig.

And I go back on call until September.

I Love Dirt!

For my fathers birthday yesterday he took my kids for the day and over night. It was his idea. They came up to see his soccer game (they got creamed again but they had fun), we went to Aubree's for pizza and off they went.

For my free afternoon I had made plans to go out and work on my friends garden. They had 10 beautiful acres and are working a big plot this year for vegetables. Maybe adding an herb garden at some point this year. The long term plan is for a hearty farm going in a couple of years. She has other awesome ideas for the land that I am excited to see grow. For two hours we weeded about 300 sq. feet and planted about 80 tomato plants. I got so dirty, it was great.

I got home, we grilled up some chicken with out North Carolina BBQ Sauce (we may have converted to the south side), lit up the fire pit and later watched the rest of LOST. We are now officially caught up and have to wait months upon months for our next installment.

Update and Thunderstorms.

I got the tooth out on Monday. I hated doing it but it is what he wanted. I will post a pic tomorrow. The root was huge, I doubt it would have come out on its own. Since the extraction his adult tooth has been moving forward. It is crazy to see the change day to day.

Tonight FINALLY the thunderstorms came. I feel better now. Plus my garden gets watered. ( i love planting, pruning, and gardening but hate watering.) My inner water conservationist is at conflict with my gardener. (donn has brain washed me!)

Mommy Resume

Among the many skills that I have acquired in my career as a mother I am now adding Amature Dentist.

You may remember a few months back I posted the monkey's front tooth that is coming in shark style (behind the still intact baby tooth). Well that baby tooth was not budging. I gave the monkey time to try to work it out on his own since he is terrified at the idea of a shot in his mouth. Finally I made the executive decision to call the dentist. I made an appointment for the extraction but did not tell the wee man about it. A few days later wee man came to it on his own that we should call the dentist, I later found out he was not completely convinced of his idea.

I did end up taking the monkey to the dentist, unfortunately it did not go as planned. He freaked out. It was frustrating because I just wanted to get it over with. He asked me to pull his tooth out because he really didn't want the shot and did not want to go to a dentist that he didn't know (a pediatric dentist).

Ok, I need to mention here that I was kind of peeved at my dentist during this visit. After I told the monkey that he was going to be getting his tooth pulled today and we dropped his sister off at a friends house, I told him I would be in the room with him - holding his hand or feet and sing to him if we wants. We talked about not looking at the shot and that it would not really hurt. We were waiting in the dentist office for our turn and they came and told the monkey it was his turn. We both stood up to go in and he walked on with the hygienist and the dentist stepped in front of me and told me to wait out here. I tried to tell her that he had had a traumatizing dental experience when he was three that he very much remembers and was anxious about this visit. She informed me that things go better without the parents which I understand but I told him I would be in there with him and they didn't let me talk to him about it. I found the poor communication with myself and my son disappointing and slightly infuriating.

Back to my career as an amature dentist. The monkey was serious when he asked me to pull his tooth out so that afternoon I got to work while watching noggin for a distraction. A yank here, a twist there, then I really put some weight into it and leveraged against his other tooth and *snap* part of whatever was keeping the tooth stuck gave. He yelped for a minute then looked at me and said "that was a good one mom!"

We are still working on it but it will come it seems.... soon. We will keep you posted.

ebay phobic and big daddy steps in.

right now my young boy is into Heroscape
i found him the marvel set on clearance and he and his dad decided they needed a bigger set to play. i researched it and found the Master Set.
ok, so we really want to buy it but we could not find it in town. so smart big daddy checked it out on ebay AND WE WON IT!
i am an ebay phobe big time but it was so exciting to watch it down to the clock (which apparently you are not supposed to do)
ROCK ON!

ps. we are buying it because the monkey is getting a tooth pulled on wednesday. poor guy. but he is being a mini man about it.

Laugh With Me

The other day I went out to eat with my friend her young teenage boy and the bean. We were chatting along then somehow the conversation got on the topic of my amazonian self.

My darling friend said very casually "yeah, you're an amazon."

My reply "yup, I am."

I love this woman for her frankness and comfort with such topics (body issues are just the tip of the iceberg). She has had body issues in the past and has embraced herself. Being around her and some other women lately who do not have social hang ups with talking about size weight and other body issues has been liberating. She realized that she did not want to be the thin woman or the woman with smaller boobs. Her body is beautiful and I will joke with her about her small ass any day.

Some folks in the past have tried to prescribe a "fix" or share their tips to a flatter tummy and a perky ass. With all their good intentions I am not looking to be fixed or told "no, your not big." I understand this response it is the socially acceptable thing to do and say. Unfortunately to me it seems like a washed out conversation. Why not say "yeah, you're a big girl. your husband loves your cottage cheese butt. work it."

If I really wanted to I would eat minimally and work out frantically and I could look like those airbrushed women that most strive for. I did work hard for that ideal body when I was 13 and ended up with a slimmer body and an eating disorder. I was so body obsessed in early college that I could hardly go out socially or to classes sometimes because I didn't look the way I wanted (fearing others judgment or ridicule heard and unheard- a kind of anthrophobia) . I am done with that. My body is a big part of who I was and who I am. (lol)

I am an almost six foot woman of Swedish and Scottish decent who packs a soft 218 lbs. When I talk about my size, or crack a joke about it I am not being self deprecating I am embracing it in my own backwards way. Laugh with me don't tell me to stop, or walk away with your fingers in your ears singing "LALALA - I don't hear you".

I do not want my daughter to idealize anything but her healthy self big or small. I do not want my son to have a limited view of femininity and beauty.

Laugh with me people, I am big and beautiful.

Think Global, Birth Local

(editorial from the new issue of The Birth Project Issue VI Spring 2008)

This spring ACOG (American College of Obstetrics and Gynocology) released their updated statement on home birth (reprinted on pg. 12), generally reiterating that they oppose homebirth as well as individuals and organizations who offer or support such options for women and families. We have a few great articles responding to this ACOG statement. This statement is not supported by much of the research; in contrast, research shows that homebirth and freestanding birth centers are statistically safe and actually produce better outcomes overall.

Also this spring many meetings were held by home birth midwives and those who support them discussing The Big Push for Midwives (see pg. 26 for web link), debating the future of midwifery in the United States. Check out their website for more information about the issues around the legislating midwives. Some are in favor of this movement towards “legalization” and some are against it. There are members of the “medical” community opposed to anything that would support homebirth options but also within the homebirth community some see legislation not as progress but as restriction on their practice and how they are able to serve women and families.

What most people don’t realize is that in some states the right to make the decision to birth at home and birth centers have been taken away from women and families. As seen on Good Morning America on January 2008 unassisted homebirth is something that women are turning to when they cannot find a midwife to attend to them at home. Some also make the decision to have an unassisted homebirth in areas where midwives are available for personal or sometimes financial reasons since homebirth care is usually paid out of pocket. Like other women’s reproductive rights issues, we need to ask: should it be a case of choice, availability and safety? One would think...

On the internet many bloggers are also discussing/debating these hot birth topics and more. There is a buzz of something going on. We are talking about it too, here in The Birth Project.

Most think or assume that birth and birth culture is fine and dandy (more or less outside of the fear of pain that the majority of women have). Many times I end up having conversations about birth with expecting parents, in either doula consultations or in my childbirth education class, friends and family, or even sometimes strangers (although I don’t go out of my way to get on this topic with strangers, it just sometimes comes up). I can see it in their faces that they are realizing that birth, birth culture, birthing decisions, and birth politics are not fine and dandy. They are complicated, multi-layered, politically charged shades of gray, with the eye of the storm - mothers, babies and their families, usually unaware of the huge conflict spinning around them. There are issues- health care issues, human rights issues, women’s rights issues, safety issues, ethical issues, legal issues, psychological issues, emotional issues, physical issues, even environmental issues.
~
One of the many books on my reading list this spring is actually not about birth. It is Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. It makes a ”passionate case for putting the kitchen back at the center of family life and diversified farms at the center of the American diet”. This book speaks to the idea of eating local and seasonal to, among other things, reduce one’s carbon footprint. So what do agricultural sustainability, and carbon footprints have to do with birth politics you ask?

It is all about how we live and think. Like sustainable agriculture, birth is about business. If we eat more local and seasonal it causes economical issues for the businesses (corporate farms, trucking, packaging, etc.) and employees of those businesses that grow and transport food all over the world. On the flip side local farmers, markets, dairies etc. would be more supported. If more women birth at home or in birth centers a large portion of hospital revenue will take a economical hit along with the companies that make and distribute much of the equipment used at hospital births as well as the income of the doctors that do deliveries in the hospitals. Again on the flip side community midwives would be supported and if the demand were higher for these birth settings momentum could be made for insurance coverage and more accessibility for all who seek alternative birth options, potentially reducing insurance premiums. The waste byproduct from the equipment and apparati at hospital births is many times that of home and birth centers. So again, it is also an environmental issue - reducing the human carbon footprint.

On this beautiful spring-y day (finally!) I ask you to open your mind to the big picture. Think big and also with empathy for the whole picture on both sides. The only way we can hope to move forward is to work together (see the well written open letter to ACOG on page 13). I also ask you to incorporate this kind of thinking to other aspects of your life - how you eat, if you recycle, speak of politics, how you parent, and so on.

Act with thought and empathy for all.

We are dedicating this issue to midwives since May 5th is National Midwife Day. If you have had a midwife in your life and feel so inclined, send her a letter of appreciation this May. It is hard, amazing work that these women take on ~ send them some love to help get through that next sleepless night. The month of May is also International Doula month so send them warm fuzzies too.

Life and Death

One of my life obsessions and fears is death. It may be why I work in birth and have a desire to do hospice work at some point in my life.

The collection of photographs is by German photographer Walter Schels, 72 Faces of Life and Death is a beautiful window into a part of our existence that most choose not to think about. There is a link at the end of this article where you can view some portraits from the collection. What a fascinating project.

Dare I say "childfree"???

It was recently brought to my attention a blog thread debating about "childfree". Read it here

Since the comments were closed I thought I would share my thoughts here.

First regarding the taxes for schooling issue: I homeschool my kids and I happily pay my taxes for the schools that we are not using because the kids that use those schools will some day be adults. Adults that will be most likely join the work force and be paying taxes into social security that I will (hopefully) someday get. These children will grow up to be adults that may become the nurses that wipe my ass if I become old and need assistance or maybe they will just come and sit with me and chat in the home (I hope I do not end up in a home but it could happen- you never know). The fact of the matter is that even the "childfree" adults reaped the benefit of taxes for schooling as children going through the school system.

Second regarding the infertility treatments: This one seems really out of left field. From the information I have most infertility treatment is NOT covered by insurance, it is an out of pocket cost for the desire to have children. When infertility treatments may be covered by insurance and you are concerned about it bringing up your insurance cost- it can be equated to my insurance costs being higher to support that cost of people who need extensive medical care because they choose to eat like shit their whole lives and not take care of themselves. I try to eat healthy, take care of myself and rarely use the medical system or pharmaceuticals. It is a crap shoot when dealing with private insurance. Fat unhealthy people ore more of a problem than folks who choose infertility treatment - other than the fact that once conditions usually takes a person out of the population and the other can add a person to the population.

Third regarding the cost of Childbirth: Ha ha ha... where do I start? I totally agree that the cost of childbirth in this country is disgusting. I am a birth activist and a birth worker and could really expand on this but I will keep it short. Childbirth is major revenue for most hospitals. As with most things it is a business and a business that makes $$$. I agree that it should not be about $$$ and about proper health care but like the second point I take a chance when I get insurance coverage that I am paying for a lot of shit for a lot of other folks that I have no control over. I had my second child at home and paid for it out of my own pocket a whole whopping $2000 (that is for prenatal, birth through 3-4 postpartum visits) for amazing care. More thorough, attentive and personal care than I got "in the system" with my first birth which the birth alone was $6000 (i cannot imagine how much the total was with prenatals, testing, ultrasounds, and that one postpartum visit). This is a ten year old article but not too much has changed in ten years and what has changes is not for the better - birth centers closing, the c-section rate going up to 30% and womens choices being taken away. Choices that would lower overall childbirth costs.

Fourth the pity factor: I do not pity you at all. The "childfree" have a freedom I do not have. They do not have the weight of raising another human being not to be an asshole. They do not have the stress of fighting with little irrational people. That is your choice and right as a "childfree" person and I would not change a damn thing about my life and the choices I made to have my children. I was pitied by my "childfree" friends when I had my unexpected child at 25 but from a distance. It was hard and it sucked and no one was there to help me. I am very aware of the "childfree" culture. I have changed diapers in the front seat of cars with the door open for room in hail storms because the bathroom did not have a changing table, I have breast fed my child on a toilet in a restaurant, I have gotten looks of contempt for taking my quiet well behaved children places, among other things. So you get no pity here and I do feel that most of you that feel pitied are being a little too sensitive - be a duck and let it roll off your back if they pity you then it is their ignorance. Let it go.

Fifth in regards to the "you had ‘em, they are your problem, expect nothing from me, and by-the-way, could you make them shut up?": This made me think of when I went out to brunch with some friends of mine (with out quiet well behaved children - we were armed with mini princesses to distract them) and a few tables over there was a family with an adult that was mentally impaired that had tendencies of turrets. This person was loud at times, very loud. I thought it was great that these folks could go out as a family including that special needs family member. Should I have interrupted this family and asked them to "shut up" their special needs adult member for the sake of my perfect civilized brunch experience? Do I mind that I pay into their health care needs? Do I not hold the door open for them as it takes them three times as long to get out the door because they are also disabled? We must remember that our culture generally looks on our elderly as we look at our children. Should I say to the "childfree" "expect nothing from me or mine as you get older and may need assistance, and by-the-way wipe your own ass"?And as for myself, I expect nothing but the same patience and understanding for myself and my child that you would offer any other human being.

This debate reminds me of my thoughts on vegans (sorry if i offend any vegans out there). We are privileged to live in a society that we have the opportunity to be so picky and opinionated about what we and others eat. Many places you eat what you have or die be it rice or rat. We are also privileged to live in a society that we can have such idealistic and lofty separatist ideas of family and society. Many places you would live in a 900 square foot house with your parents, aunts, grandparents and other extended family breeders and "childfree" alike working towards sustaining.

I did find many of the comments on the original blog post ill-founded generalizations and misinformed. I do not care if you are "childfree" that is your choice so live your "childfree" life but do not do things like go to the Corner Brewery (a family friendly brew pub) and bitch about kids being there. You have every other bar in town that is not family friendly. The "childfree" have the majority of public places built to their needs not mine as a breeder. We do not live in a family friendly culture.

I need to go garden now while my crotch droppings and the neighbors crotch droppings play delightfully together. Have a lovely Sunday.