finally getting around to posting this here

August 13, 2007 - Monday

stop this train, i wnat to get off and go home again it is one of those times. feeling a bit thin skinned. an idiot and an impostor as the routine settles in again and the normal speed of our busy lives picks up. i want to get off. i liked it slow. i liked the break. i remembered to the times that i would run away (travel) every year to escape and shut down. i feel like i have been "on" for too long. a light bulb that is getting a bit too hot about to burn the whole house down. everyone says i will miss these times, when the kids are young but i miss them now. i want it all but i want none of it. i lay down with my daughter who has been raging most of the evening. she is mad but at what i do not know- at growing up maybe, that i can understand. she is tired, weepy and so i sing to her. i sit on the floor watching her eyes open and close as she has the inner debate as whether to give in to sleep. her chubby little cheeks which i havent noticed in awhile exaggerated under the edge of the comforter. i sing twinkle twinkle (her favorite), hush little baby, and she asks me to sing ABC. i watch her doze off and think of the year and a half old baby that passed a couple of weeks ago. i look into my daughters face and think how lucky i am to have her. i look at her face and try to see her as a girl and then as a woman. i think of the paths her life may take and pray she lives long and well, and has a peaceful death. the last of which i pray i will be long gone for but waiting for her when it is her time to join me. I think she has fallen asleep, tears running down my cheeks i pet her hair, kiss her forehead and say "i love you". eyes still closed she rolls over and dreamily says "i love you too, mama" a moment so perfect you want to catch it in a jar and save it forever. or at least until the next day when she is raging again. this is where my brain goes at the drop of a hat. and all i wanted was a goldfish.

Male Doula

Another reason to absolutely LOVE Vince Vaughn!

"Talk about a guy who's money, Universal is all over Vince Vaughn following the success of The Break-Up ($205 million worldwide), and has decided to nail him down to a two-year, first-look producing deal with the studio. Vaughn helped produce The Break-Up, as well as brought Uni the idea for it, and so they feel there's a lot more where that came from. In fact, Vaughn's Wild West Picture Show Prods. has already lined up three features with the studio; all of which are potential starring vehicles for the actor. The first is a high-concept comedy called Male Doula. Based on Vaughn's own idea, the flick will be penned by Dana Fox. Since they're keeping this one under wraps, I decided to do a tad more investigating. What I found (via our sister site Parent Dish) was that a 'doula' is "someone who accompanies a woman in labor. She 'mothers the mother,' taking care of her emotional needs throughout childbirth." From what I've seen, a male doula is very rare, which immediately opens the subject up for tons of comedic potential."

link to whole article.

Professionally speaking this is good in my world. If it is not negative press it is good press! I dream of a day that any woman that wants or really needs a Doula but does not know it can have one or be hooked up with one.

I have picked up the book Born in the USA again and I am determined to truck through it now that Harry Potter is behind me. It gets my wheels spinning on the state of affairs in the birth world and where changes can be made for better outcomes that do not depend on the internal system. Doulas are a possible answer. Well trained, good hearted, positive, supportive doulas who love their work.

I have more to say but I feel like reading....

Baby!

Baby gecko that is. Big daddy is now the proud daddy to a two day old baby gargoyle gecko that he took care of as an egg that came from the two geckos kickin' it in the post a few weeks ago. YAY! after almost a decade of trying to make reptile babies we have one!!!!! If I ever get organized I will post a pic of his cuteness (the gecko not big daddy although both are worthy of the cuteness)

For Kim

At the farmers market there was this lady www.suchprettycolors.com
I thought of you. Especially the quilted stuff. And these other folks made really pretty little girls dresses and knitted the cutest hats.

I feel another package coming on. Been mentally making a cd for you ;)

Cherries and Peaches

This summer has been a wee bit crazy and it seems like the past few days have been moving in slow motion. The bean and I had a lazy morning as we are on pick up patrol today rather than drop off. We eventually took a bath together- the bean got a big kick out of washing my hair and she loves the jet action in the tub. The bean and I went to the A2 farmers market for the first time of the season believe it or not. It was a short trip but very enjoyable. Wonderful peaches (of which i only buy at the farmers market in season- bit of a snob about peaches) and delicious clothe staining cherries. YUM! Great green beans that have been my raw crunchy snack since I got home and a few other goodies. In the non-edible world I got 4 perineals for the back yard for $20. I just need to remember to water them. Frog- feel free to be my reminder on that -ha!

Teaching newborn infant care tonight of which I always feel under qualified to teach. It all works out though and L will be there to fill in if there are gaps. Looking to show a video so I am off to dive into the closet of crap to find it and pre-screen.

Btw- Donn is officially done with school for 2 weeks. YAY!!!

And for those who live close to me I have 5 bags of clothes that will be going to purple heart on Friday if you want to go through them.

I think the bean is ready for the monkey to come home and so am I.

Recovery

This weekend was like someone hit the fast forwards button. Here it is as it was:

Friday night I went up to read some HP. Mum comes up just before I was thinking of going to sleep and informs me that there is h2o in the basement again. I went down to check it out and try and help. Got on the phone with my heating and cooling friend (who put in the furnace and A/C on this house) and bribed him with sweet talking and a massage to come out from about an hour away to look at it for us in the morning. that night mum and I pulled up carpet, tried to dry it as much as possible but it was eventually time to just go to sleep. Mum had had a 80 hour week on about 3/4 hours sleep a night and she had to go in to work again Saturday morning. When it rains it pours. I felt really bad for her.

Saturday:
Woke up, made coffee, fed kids, showered, got a call from my doula client who was in early labor, buzzed around to get ready for my 10AM massage who showed up at 9:30AM. My heating & cooling friend showed just as she was getting off the table. He fixed the A/C as I was scheduling a meeting for 12:30pm for the last part of the dreaded (but really good fund raiser for the center) cookbook. Got my friend on the table and as soon as I finished with him my meeting showed up. Got another call form client- ditched my meeting at my house (they grabbed pics of my pooter for the project) and went to clients house. She was doing wonderful for a woman in labor. Jetted home after about 45 minutes to grab stuff for her and wrap up the meeting I was not at. Went back to client and labored with her at home and at the hospital until about 1:30 when baby was born (They did AWESOME!!! It was a beautiful birth.)
Sunday:
Baby born @ 1:30AM I leave 3:30AM. Two blocks from my bed in my house my phone rings. My other clients went into labor at about 1:30 AM. They were to get her in the tub to rest a bit. I went home emailed the center, at which I was to teach the next day, to inform her that I may not be there. (i really wanted to be there). Brush teeth go to hop in bed- Donn is in my spot, the bean is in his spot so I kick the dog out of her bed and sleep in the beans bed. The thought of the upcoming phone call made it difficult to fall asleep and just as I did at 5AM the phone rings. Off I go the birth. A bit hit at this moment. (All nighters are no big deal but back to back made the witching hour harder- the witching hour for me int his work is 4AM-7Am) Got to their house and they were doing great. In their groove and she was working hard. Labored at home with them and at the hospital and the baby arrived at noon. (another AWESOME BIRTH! )My class started at 1PM so I was doing good but I didn't have my car, it was at the clients house. So after all was done with the birth and the family was settled. A friend helped by picking me up and taking me to my car. Got to the center by 2:30-3ish (the class went until 5pm). we swapped out teachers and I was able to teach the last part of the class. Picked up chinese on the way home for the family and had a small going away party at our hose for our neighbors that are moving today. Put the kids to bed. Read the first chapter of the next Indian in the cupboard books and picked up my HP. Got though about a page before I passed out at 9:30pm.

It was all good and I have two births down for the month. I was not really sleepy except Sunday when I first got to my clients home. I don't know what it is about that time of day for my birth work but it is my down time. Both birth experiences with the midwives at the hospital were optimal. Really great. I am feeling good about things.

Also I am glad I made it to teaching. I am finally starting to get my groove. I got a great email from someone in my former classes- she wants to see me to see the baby and talk about the birth. She emphasized how she felt that the classes really made a difference to her. I love working with birth in this capacity.

The only bummer was that I did not get to hang out with the monkey this weekend. It feels like it has been forever since I have seen him between being out of town then him being in camp, which he has also this week. I miss the crazy monkey.

Also I remember how wonderful my husband is for when we get crazy days like these. He picks up the ball without flinching. He is awesome and always has been. And today is his last day of school for the semester!!! Two weeks off then back to the books but two weeks off! Maybe I will have a blip of off call time to get out of town with him for a night. I hope so.

Great News!!!

The Indian in the Cupboard is a series!!!

There are two stories that the monkey loves. He loved The book The Indian in the Cupboard and he loves the movie Jumanji. I got the picture book for Jumanji along with a few other books by Chris Van Allsburg from the library. Also got the next book in the Indian in the Cupboard series.
The monkey loved it so much that any book after was just not good enough. We tried reading Warriors, and Magyk- they just did not stack up to the Indian.

I am so excited I want to call the monkey at camp and tell him. whoohoo!!!

Another reason I homeschool...plastic baggies

The monkey has been in camp from 9-5 since Monday. It has been nice to have time alone with the bean although i have been sick as a dog and working every night.

It has been a real test thought, well maybe a trial, of what it would be like if the monkey were in school. I think I would hate it. As he is realizing how much he likes being home with me.

But the kicker is- I can not get these kids up and out of the house fed and ready to go on time to get to camp. When we were driving the teacher (because her car broke down) we of course were very early. But since she got her car back we have been 5-10 minutes late every day. It sucks having to be so functional every morning. lol.

Also the whole packed lunch thing makes me cuckoo. Kim sent me a link to the Laptop Lunches news letter which was perfect timing, she must have read my mind, because the number of plastic baggies i have used in the past week makes me uncomfortable. And trying to come up with variety for lunches that I pack after I get home from work at 10-11pm before I crash into bed just is not good. The little bugger also avoids eating any veggies I put in there....and he likes carrots. He did love the bean, salsa, avocado dip though. Ham sandwich ...not so much. So he has had a lot of sunflower butter and jelly sandwiches. Which on another off note makes me nervous him having so much gluten products with Celiac running in Donns family. Between eating a bfast bar in the car, sandwich cookies and crackers for lunch and who knows what for dinner. Most likely we are fine but I dread the idea of becoming a gluten free family. There was a scare there for a bit when Donn because allergic to eggs.

Most of all though I miss my monkey. He is crazy but that is what makes the days with him interesting. I think this is going to be a good year. I am going to try to do my own curriculum, using bit and pieces of things here and there. We will be using the book The Story of the World series starting this year. This link is also really helpful as to what I should be covering this year and resources for how to go about it. Donn is going to pick up some of the animal stuff with homeschooling at night while I am working. The bean is also old enough to work with us this year, last year was hard with her being two. Next year will be even better for her.

All in all this camp is great for a break from the monkey. For the monkey to get a break from us. But mostly to affirm that we really are doing what is right for us. It is not for everybody but we really like it and it works for our family. I am not saying it isn't insane and hard especially with Donn and I both working but it is where we want to be.

Recycling

I have always found great joy in recycling.

My new goal is to minimize the amount of non-recyclable trash. The Ann Arbor recycling center takes a few more items than our fair city. My approach is to set up different bins in the garage for everything from mixed paper- junk mail, used paper etc., Styrofoam- take away containers, packaging, etc., plastic bags (we have too many of those), corrugated cardboard, batteries, light bulbs, egg cartons, and so much more!

I would like to get down to one small bin of non-recyclable trash for our family of five per week.

We are also working towards converting all our house lighting to eco-friendly energy efficient light bulbs.

We are also going to be purchasing terra passes for our cars www.terrapass.com My car puts out over 18,000 lbs. of CO2 a year. Ouch!

Another small thing is taking the kids on garbage pick up walks. Thanks to our neighbor Michelle as inspiration.

I will post my progress on the garbage challenge.

my trip

It has been a week since I got home from my trip and much has happened. So only now do I feel like writing.
When I got home it was like a whirlwind of activity. My mother in law had come down to help with the kids while I was gone. I got home Wednesday night and my father in law came out Thursday night to pick her up and to see the kids. They spent the night (Donn and I went to go see HP and the power went out right at the good part at the end) Friday morning we took the kids out to get toys a t the Five and Dime for their birthday's. The bean's birthday was that Friday and they were making up for missing the monkey's bday. My brother and his family came out Friday morning to spend the night so we could take them to the airport Saturday early afternoon- they were moving to Florida. That in itself is kind of weird. The build up to their departure was hard on my mom but now that it is behind up things seem to be mellowing out. My in laws, who are just great I must say, left Friday afternoon. That Sunday I taught from 1-5 then had a consult that evening. Then Monday morning the monkey started his 2 week art and drama camp. 9-5 M-F for 2 weeks. Crazy. Good to have time alone with the bean. She is napping all of a sudden. She needs the break.
Monday news came that a family friends daughter who has been fighting leukemia since January had passed. She was just a baby. They had taken her home for hospice care on Friday. It was very sad.
Tuesday and Wednesday I was really ill but still taught. I love Advil cold and sinus. Tuesday night was really bad- hardly got a wink of sleep. Wednesday the bean was kind of on her own and she did a job of trashing the family room :) but she let mama nap and take a long bath to try to get rid of the snots. Doing good now.
Went grocery shopping for the first time in a few weeks today. Cleaned out the fridge and the pantry (much needed) and the bean is napping.
So, the trip. The drive was long but nice. I only got kind of antsy since from Chicago to St. Louis there is A LOT of corn fields. I listened to Neil Gaiman's Anansi Boys on books on CD. I had two other books but the one got me down there and a third of the way back.
I was very excited to get to the hotel although it was very busy- two weddings, a hs reunion and a family reunion were going on. I was lucky enough to have my own room for the trip. I looked into room sharing but my only option was to share a 2 king room with 3 other women i did not know. The organization I work for paid for the room and the woman I work with said that she would not ask me to do anything she would not do and she would not share a room with 3 other women she did not know. It was really nice to have a room to myself. I had a wee anxiety attack the first hour or so being away form my family. But my dear lovely friend Chucki who lives in St. Louis invited me to come out and meet him and two friends he had in visiting from Chicago for sushi and wine. It was so good to see Chucki. I don't think I had seen him since the monkey was born. Chucki was the first friend to come over and meet the monkey- he brought me tapioca pudding that day ;). Chucki lives in the cutest neighborhood, the architecture was beautiful. My goal is to get the whole family down to visit him sometime soon. That was a highlight of the trip.
Sunday morning I slept in, took my time getting up and ready for the day. I went walking around looking for the conference- found it and decided to go back to my room to read a great book a good friend had sent me the week before I left- The Gypsy Chronicles. It turns out the author lives in my town. I read for a bit then ended up meditating for over an hour. I have not been able to do that in years. It was great to just let my mind go.
Sunday at 2pm the training began. It went until 9pm Sunday. Then Monday 8am to 9pm and Tuesday 8am to 9pm and Wednesday 8am to noon. Then home I drove again.
The training was good. It was the third time I have sat through a Doula training (part of the trainer training is to sit in on others teaching a doula training). This one was taught by Kathy McGrath and Penny Simkin (a big name in the birth world). Kathy has a background as a social worker so she crafted emotional work into the training that I thought was very interesting. Penny is in her late 60's I would say, short and very spunky. I learned a lot about my work and even more about myself on this trip. The second night I was really missing my family. Fortunately the training kept me busy.
Some of the emotional work that came with the training brought up some things that I was not aware of. Well, maybe I was but I did not understand how much it was weighing on me. One activity was to think of a time that you needed to ask for help then you had to tell it to the person you were paired up with. The training is mostly women and many of us had a hard time admitting when we needed help. It was a two way activity of understanding how difficult it is for some to ask for help then also of active listening. There were a few other activities of this sort that led up to an activity called the ideal birth. In this activity you draw or write what your ideal birth would be. Mine was to have Donn be the primary person with me and to have some good friends in the house with me. It was not traditional as most- others were more specific of type of care provider, h2o birth, whatever.
This activity hit a chord with me. Although the beans birth by all means was perfect, there were some missing points. One in particular is that I really wanted Donn to be with me- I never asked that of him because I thought he didn't want to be there. Now I know that he would have been there for me and been great if I just asked. But where we were at that time was not the best place for such communication. I really wanted him there for me. I didn't feel the support that I wanted in that pregnancy from those close to me. Even with my midwives I thought it was lacking. I remember my midwife complaining that she had a headache when she did the newborn exam. They were only there 3 hours. (i didn't call them until right before she came out) It really is true that moms remember little details from their births. It was mostly because I didn't ask for what I needed. I don't even know if I knew for sure what I wanted- but I think I just wanted to have it feel special. I was to busy being polite instead of asking for what I wanted.
I know I should be content that the birth was straight forward and the bean is fine. I do feel guilty about critiquing how it went and how I wish it could have been. It does lead to a bigger picture though. One thing is how I communicate with Donn- I think it really would have made a difference in many things if I just told him that I needed him and that I wanted him to be there for me. It makes me think about those close to me in the big picture and how these relationships function.
Another light bulb that went off on this trip is that I am by nature a pretty quiet person. In having kids I have forced myself to be more social and chatty- which makes me more crazy, hyper sensitive and anxious. I like things simple and slow. I like to be in my head. I told Donn about this when I got home and his response was equivalent to- DUH (he concurred that I changed in being a mother).
It was bizarre to be away from my family for that time. It was nice to put a wedge in running on auto pilot trend that I have been functioning in for way too long. It was wonderful to come home though. The drive home was long but good- going in the right direction. It gave me a great appreciation for the trees in Michigan. It also makes me want to move to the K-zoo area from mid state to the west side of the state. I have friends that are planning on moving to K-zoo, I would love to live near them.
Arthur is over and now the bean and I are going for a walk.

in just a few days i will be driving states to st. louis for a training and spending 4 nights along in a hotel room.

the lasts time i spent more than a day away from my family (which is usually for a birth) was when sam was 2.5 years old and i was working from sun up 'til sin down for credits for massage school and that was 4 days. Donn and i together have spent only one night away from our kids and that was when sam was 2 and it ended up only being for 18 hours. and the last and only real vacation we have taken since we have been married was when sam was 2, up in traverse city with my brother, his wife and my mom.

the thought of being away for almost 5 days by myself and knowing i will have down time is exciting and nerve wracking. tonight i was thinking about the last time i was able to let my mind stop, i could not come up with "the last time". it has always been buzzing with thoughts of the kids, work, money, school, money, donn, dinner, laundry, bills, to do lists, etc. so many times i have wanted to shut off and run away just to hear my own thoughts.

very rarely do i get the house to myself but when i do it is amazing- i feel normal again even if just for an hour. but a hotel room to myself for 4 nights- no screaming children, grumpy grown ups, everyday drama, the laundry will not be looking at me, and the bills will not me call for me- what will i do? stop. breathe.

i know i will miss my family very much with an ache in my heart for them. but now i miss myself and my thoughts. the simple things that get lost in the craziness of a struggling young family.

i was a creature that loved my quiet time, preferring it to socializing with others. now i crave interaction with others, "adult time", but more i crave my quiet alone time.

i am looking forward to it but with hesitation.

MARBLES!!

My grandmother was the marbles champion of Minnesota when she was a young girl. I remember growing up and admiring the plastic trophy she displayed in her living room with the winning marble in it still. She and I would play in on her floor at family gatherings. I have two boy cousins and my brother so often I was left with nothing to do.
The kids and I went and had lunch with my grandparents, who are 90 and 87 now. I asked my grandmother what the rules of marbles were and she could not remember. I really want to teach Sam so here is what I found.
ANYONE UP FOR A NIGHT OF MARBLES AND BEER? (I need practice too)
(and yes, there is a for real competitive tournament http://marbles-american.org/default.htm)

AMERICAN MARBLES RINGER RULES

Midwife at Auschwitz

The following an amazing and inspiring story of Stanislawa Leszczynska. It is disturbing to read but portrays strength, conviction and hope in the face of hell and despair. I am so lucky and blessed for my children, the life I have been given and the opportunity to do the work I do.

This is not just a story it really happened.

Midwife at Auschwitz

today is my birthday. i am 32 although i do not feel a year older because i have been thinking i am 32 for most of the last year. so i am just 32 again.
it was a day of catching fish in a net, leeches in a bucket and sunburned cheeks. ella got stung form picking up a dead bee- poor nugget.
my dad took me out to joes crab shack (my choice since the kids were with me and donn had school). it was good although i found out the hard way that if you go to joes crab shack for your birthday they make you have you put on a hat, hawaiian shirt and hoola hoop in front of the whoel restaurant as they sing you happy birthday. it was very painful and my dad took photos.

"Responsibility is an invitation to give what you can because you can. Compassion is the art of pure feeling. Friendship is meeting yourself in another form and holding on. "
-taken from Little Big Minds by Marietta McCarty

"Loving friendships provide us with a space to experience the joy of community in a relationship where we can learn to process all our issues, to cope with differences and conflict while staying connected"
-Bell Hooks, All About Love (quoted in Little Big Minds)

Philosophy and children a natural match. Children are still able to look at the world in such a way to make philosophizing a natural event rather than forced or uncomfortable. Being able to talk about death, love, god, friendship matter of factly without the hang ups and the baggage that we as grown ups usually do. Really most grown ups just don't.

In homeschooling my children I have struggled int he past year to figure out what is the right path for me and my children. Traditional formats I have found (from Sonlight to Oak Meadow) do not work as I am scattered and cannot adhere to a set curriculum. By my personality free flow order I found works best and the kids like it too. but it needed a focus. I am a thinker, analyzer, obsessive person- which if not tamed could be my down fall, but harnessing it into something that could help my children grow and thrive in this culture could be a great gift.

I was beginning to lose hope on finding a path that worked for us. But a client of mine mentioned this book at an appointment- Little Big Minds. She had hear the author interviewed on NPR a day previous and thought of me immediately. She, being an educator her self, has credit in my book as someone who might know a thing or two about the subject of teaching kids.

I ordered the book and it sat for a couple of weeks on my desk and on my to do list. I picked it up last night and read the intro and browsed through the book in it entirety and I love it. I cannot wait to jump in and play around with it with my kids.

It is not a format or curriculum. It is just a way of looking at the world and how to apply it to children. The biggest thing with me and my kids in their younger years is I don't know how to relate to them. I know that sounds odd but I am not a good "player'. Meaning I don't play well. I try to work on it but little kids and me are a challenge.

I was chatting with someone recently about this and she shared with me that generally there aree two types. Those who are good with their kids when they are young and not so much when they are older and the opposite. I am the opposite.

This book is opening my eyes to how to engage with my super chatty son and maybe how to reign in my fiery daughter. Also it seems to open my eyes to step out of survival mode of parenting/working/life and "be" with my kids and others.

i finally down loaded my photos which oddly i hate doing. i am convinced i am doing it the most difficult way possible. but i have pictures to share.

first i will share my evening. i had a barter thing going on tonight of massage for reiki. during the massage or reiki, i dont remember, he had mentioned this modality called gwa-sha . it sounded interesting and he offered for me to come over after the reiki trade and he would work on my back. it was very painful but my back feels great after. on the side i look like i have been dragged on my back behind a truck.as i mentioned a few posts ago we put in a pond a couple of weeks ago. now it has plants, tadpoles, fish and more rocks but i do av a picture of the first night after we made it. i will take pictures of how it looks now ans post them later.

it looks even better with all the plants and stuff. if you are in town stop by and check it out!!

another development this week that i found interesting- i went back to the dr. whom had terrible bedside manner and freaked me out a bit, triggering a whole bunch of old shit. in this visit my blood work was fine (not dying of anything that the blood tests and a bit off pee can see) and i asked him about homeopathics (this is why i go to him - the only dr. covered by my ins that knows homeopathics) , constitutional remedies to be exact. i have been interested in what my constitutional remedy is, due to my moodiness, joint issues, anxiety and ______ (anyone who knows me can fill in the blank with something that could be fixed, i am sure). Upon asking he pegged me immediately as calcarea carbonica (calc carb). described as -

This remedy is made from calcium carbonate, which is derived from the oyster shell. The type of person needing this remedy is quiet, cautious and very sensitive. Generally they are very healthy and enthusiastic in their work. In contrast, when they become ill, they become introspective and lacking motivation.

The Calc. carb type is generally plump, chilly and under-active. Perhaps due to a slow metabolism, they are sluggish and have a shy contemplative nature. They tend to be unambitious and non-competitive and are great procrastinators. They lack confidence and avoid responsibility.

They can have a big appetite with a liking for sweets, cakes and eggs and be overweight. They are easily tired and can suffer with head sweats or joint abnormalities.

Weak areas of the body include the bones and teeth, bowels, ears, nose and throat, glands and skin

Calc. carb is often used to treat back and joint pains, headaches, ear or eye infections, eczema, thrush, digestion, PMS.

this might explain my dr.'s obsession with my weight. i dont fit the description all around but when i took it the next day it was like someone gave me an antidepressant. it is pretty neat. i am feeling different in a good way. like someone cleared a layer of sludge off my brain. unfortunately i cannot take any remedies for at least a week after taking the calc carb 1M so no arnica 200 for my back which was a bummer today. but i would rather feel like being nice to my kids and have back pain than the other way around.

these are our geckos having sex-

our cool sandcastle-

my daughter :)

chinese labor herbs from a birth a couple of months ago-


that is the photo update from whooville. ;)

so i have picked up knitting again hence i am up at 1:13am knitting. it is a bit obsessive for me. so knitting is a dangerous hobby for me.
this time i am trying a pattern- yes you heard correctly i am going to try to follow instructions. here is the pattern . there is also an adult version that i will try if this first one goes well. BUT... i got stuck on the box stitch and casting more stitches on. damn. luckily i am hanging out with stitchy folk tomorrow at the lake so maybe i will be able to resolve this issue. if not i will have to track someone down to help me.

mulch- i am tired of mulch. the pile that has been taking up a quarter of our driveway for the past few months, making us the undesirable neighbors, is down to a fifth of its former self. my back can tell you who has been doing most of the dispersal. but the pond looks awesome. i added three bags of pea gravel and a few bigger rocks for accent and mulched the surrounding area. the back yard actually looks nice, just dont look to the east side that is still a bit lacking.
the recent issue is how to evict the earwigs from my garden donn sent me the following info:

Attract Natural Enemies
While toads and lizards love to eat earwigs, the European earwig has at least two specific natural insect enemies in the U.S., a tachinid fly (Bigonicheta spinipennis) that was imported in the Northwest in 1924 and the parasitic fly Digonichaeta setipennis. In good years these parasites attack and kill over 1/3 of the earwig population. These flies look very much like common house flies, perhaps a tiny bit larger.

You can attract these flies by planting the following plants near the area where the earwigs have been a problem in the past.
Anise (Pimpinella anisum)
Buckwheat (Fagopyrum esculentum)
Coreopsis (Coreopsis tinctoria)
Cosmos (Cosmos bipinnatus)
Dill (Anethum graveolens)
Fennel (Foeniculum vulgare)
Golden marguerite (Anthemis tinctoria)
Painted daisy (Chrysanthemum coccineum)
Tansy (Tanacetum vulgare)

now the question is do i really want the flies and then the question is will any of these plants grow in our clay shit soil in the shade....hmmmm. what do you think.

also i want:

ANGELICA
Angelica archangelica B/PS-Sh/5-6 ft. $3.00
Resembles celery somewhat and has a similar fragrance. Its stem is stout, round,
hollow, and purplish in color, and divides into many branches. Best known for
making candy from

PARTRIDGEBERRY
Mitchella repens (Squaw Vine) P/SH/4”to12”
Creeping vine with small evergreen leaves. Has fragrant white tubular flowers. (for a trellis i built in the back)

SAGE, LYRE LEAVED (CANCERWEED)
Salvia lyrata P/PS-Sh/18 in. $3.00
This native plant found in woods and clearings has pale blue flowers and red veined
leaves.

WOODRUFF, SWEET
Asperula odorata P/P-Sh/5 in. $4.00
A beautiful ground cover for shady places, with whorls of light green leaves and
many tiny white flowers. The leaves have no odor when first picked, but when
even slightly dried they have an aroma of vanilla and new-mown hay.

waiting for babies.
the time has come- i am itching to go. also i am preferring homebirths lately. i am just not into the shadow and complications that go into even the simplest hospital birth. and the one i am sitting on right now has its share of bumps in the road going in. either way i need to go check out form the day to day and get the little reminder of the grand miracle of life.

then i am off call for a wee bit and very much looking forward to it. well i am off call but kind of on call for my sister in law in bad axe. which i feel very blessed and honored that she would want me there. this is big daddy's brothers wife. my family thinks i am a kook so although they have given lip service of support when the time comes they stop talking to me for the duration of gestation and immediate postpartum.

so in the news -
decreasing rates of circumcision
sad closing of another birth center

recommended read (even for the non birth junkies :)
Born in the USA

it is a chilly spring morning after the sweltering heat of last week it is a nice break. although it is supposed to by 92 next tuesday! we plan on taking advantage of the weather and hitting the zoo today. i have a love hate thing with the zoo. i love going and i hate how sad the concept of caged animals is. but it is what it is. i really love the butterfly house and amphibiville at the detroit zoo. i could really skip everything else. if my brother moves to flordia for his possible new job then we will actually be able to take vacations down there. if so i would love to take the kids to check out the manatees.

i took my dad out for his 60th birthday last night. i used to do date nights with my dad more often but then ...marriage...children....busy. we went to hamtramck to the polish village cafe for dinner. it was great. cozy little basement eating. and inexpensive, two full dinners with salad and two beers each for $27. cant beat that. then it was off to roller derby! he was a troop and got into it. we sat in the seats for a bit but then i talked him to sitting on the floor. a few times we got close to being kicked in the head with a skate.