we were going to take sam to the toledo zoo today for his birthday. donn was home form work due to saturdays minor flooding and that it is sams birthday. it has been lovely weather - great for a winter trip to the zoo but today we awoke to snow and cold.
we were half way to toledo as we passed cabela's. donn had the great idea of trying to talk sam into going to cabelas rather than the zoo. warmth and dead animals or freeze our butts off to see sad live animals. so warm it was.
looking closely at the stuffed animals (that was fun trying to explain taxidermy to sam) i notices that they had remarkably realistic anal sphincter, obviously sculpted. it got me to thinking of a fellow sitting is his dusty workshop stuffing a buffalo carefully sculpting an anus to finish of his creation. for some reason in my imagination the fellow was chatting away on the phone meticulously working away knowing that someone might actually look carefully at the bum of the stuffed buffalo. and i did.

Sam’s Coming

It was Saturday the sixth of January. My mother had flown back to Texas six days earlier. She had hoped that Sam would choose to arrive while she was visiting for the holidays, but she was not so lucky. Everyone was hoping that he would come on the New Year or before, for tax purposes or to be the first baby of the real millennium. Sam was stubborn though and came when he was ready. That morning our friend who lives downstairs Amanda had brought a book up that had a recipe for a belly cast which I had wanted to do but didn’t know how. I looked it over and got very excited. Unfortunately after calling all the medical supply stores within fifty miles, I found they were all closed until Monday. The strong desire to preserve the beautiful belly I grew for nine months lead me to find a way to do a body cast somehow. Donn and I went to down town Ann Arbor to search for a medium that would work. We had no luck. We did have a wonderful afternoon though and we got eat at Red Hot Lovers. That evening we met a friend for dinner at Gianni’s, the local greasy spoon. I was so large I hardly fit in the booth. On the way home from dinner we stopped in at the local coffee shop Vinyl Joes to say hello. As I babbled through our days happenings I mentioned the belly cast and the supplies that we couldn’t get, and how I was a week overdue and down to the wire on time. Much to my surprise Paul, a friend of Donns mentioned that he had what we needed but he couldn’t get it until Sunday morning. At that point Sunday was so much better Monday. So we decided that I would call him at nine the next morning. I was so excited that I was going to be able to have my belly forever.

That Saturday night was quiet like all the others, but my braxton-hicks contractions were more frequent than usual. I was not too alarmed but I mentioned to Donn that we should probably go to bed early tonight. That was at ten thirty. By twelve thirty I put my book away and unplugged the Christmas lights that hung above our bed. Donn was still on the computer. I had been saying for months that Sam would either come on the new moon, which was December twenty-fifth, or he would arrive on the full moon, which was January ninth. At two thirty in the morning I was awakened to a sharp pain, not unbearable but defiantly noticeable. Donn was still on the computer. At that time I told him to go to bed, knowing that it would be awhile but he would need his rest. From that point I didn’t sleep much. I watched television and tried to pass the time. At four thirty in the morning woke Donn and asked him if I should call our doula Heather. I think I was looking for someone to tell me what to do. So I proceeded to page Heather. When she called back I felt bad for waking her up so early, although she reassured me that I should not. I was pretty sure that it was going to be awhile so I told her that she need not come out but I did ask her for suggestions on what if anything I should do. She told me that I did need to try to sleep, eat, and move fluids through my body to stay hydrated. She also suggested that I have Donn go to Whole Foods when they open and get me some scull cap to help me sleep.

Up to that point my contractions were about seven minuets apart on average, and they lasted for about thirty-five seconds. I didn’t think they were that bad they were more annoying than painful. I was also tired at that point. I woke Donn at eight thirty so he could get to Whole Foods at nine, when they opened. He was a bit fuzzy when he left but he completed his mission. The scull cap allowed me a little fitful sleep, but at that point any sleep was good sleep.

Donn called Paul that morning to get the belly cast supplies. Heather had reassured me that I would still be able to do the cast. When Paul dropped off the supplies I was in the bedroom, I wasn’t much for entertaining at that time. When he left we started to make the cast, I was so happy at that time. I had three contractions through the process. When it was done I looked at it and realized for the first time how big I was. Growing in pregnancy is such a gradual process that it is hard to grasp how large (and beautiful) you become.

The making of the belly cast was the high light of my early labor. The rest of Sunday is a blur of contractions, and trying to get comfortable. Donn and I got a craving for McDonalds that evening so we satisfied the urge. That was the last real meal I ate before Sam was born.

We had been keeping in touch with Heather through out the day but finally at eleven thirty that night we decided that she should come over to the house. I was getting tired and so was Donn, and things were picking up a bit. When she arrived we were watching the discovery channel, some program on Egypt. After that was a program on piranhas, I remember that very vividly. Donn went to rest for a bit after the piranha show, Heather stayed up with me for a bit. Luckily she did because shortly after Donn had gone to rest I threw up the McDonalds that I had eaten earlier. Donn doesn’t handle the product of throwing up very well, in sight or smell. Heather suggested that I try to get some rest, and she would crash for a bit on the couch. I warned her about our little friends that had taken refuge from the hard winter in our kitchen behind the refrigerator, so if she heard something, or saw something that she wouldn’t be surprised.

I don’t remember sleeping very much or very well that night. My contractions had stayed the same distance apart since they began; they started to get a bit harder. At five in the morning Heather suggested that we might go to the hospital. Donn and I got the bags and the body pillow and loaded it into the Saturn. I can remember almost every bump and pot hole in the road from our house to the hospital. It was that nice early in the morning time when no one is really out yet. That made for a very short commute.

We made our way to the fourth floor where the triage desk was. The nurse was very helpful and they were able to get us into a triage room immediately. The midwife that was on duty was nice, she was also pregnant. She was not one of the three midwives that I had seen in my prenatal visits, but she made me very comfortable, the nurse on duty was also very easy to interact with. The nurse had made a comment that I looked like I had a ten pounder. The midwife told her that she should never say that to a mother that has begun labor. It didn’t bother me though; I already knew this was going to be a big boy.

They had me pee in a cup and then they strapped me to the fetal monitor. I didn’t like that much, it was uncomfortable during contractions lying on my back. The midwife also checked my cervix for dilation. Disappointingly I was only at one. She suggested that I go home, so I wouldn’t have to deal with impatient nurses and I would probably be more comfortable at home. I was dreading the drive home. Heather needed to go home and take care of her kids and she told us to check in with her through the day. We all were very tired and slightly disappointed.

Monday was the hardest day. I hadn’t slept much, or eaten anything that I could keep down. I knew I needed to eat though. Heather had suggested high protein food like eggs or peanuts. We hadn’t much food in the house. We borrowed some toast from Mandy on Sunday. On that day Donn made me dry pasta, cauliflower, eggs but I couldn’t eat any of it. I forced myself to eat some cashews that we had in the cupboard, which was more difficult than I could ever imagine. I had not drunk as much as I should have been so I had a pasty mouth and the cashews were very pasty.

Monday morning was also when my back labor started to get bad. That sucked. At about six months my midwife had mentioned that Sam was positioned sideways, so his shoulders were perpendicular to my hips. In the back of my head I had thought about back labor but I think I was trying to be optimistic and ignore the possibility until it happened.

That evening I could see Donn getting more anxious. My labor and picked up a bit. We called heather and decided to go to the hospital at about five. The trek was longer this time due to traffic. Once we got to the hospital I remember the hardest thing was having contractions because I didn’t want to bring attention to myself. The triage nurse that we got the second time was not a friendly as the one we had had that morning. The midwife wasn’t either. At that time I was dilated to four and my water was partially broke. I was so relieved to not have to go home again. They told me that I was a bit dehydrated so I had to drink some apple juice, I didn’t mind except that they gave me ice. I don’t like ice.

It seemed like forever that we had to wait in the triage room. At one point Heather had gone to ask about our room. It was the coming of the full moon, which was on the ninth. So there was an influx of women having babies that night. Due to this fact I was not able to do the water birth that I had so wanted. I didn’t even get a regular bath I got a shower stall. That wasn’t made for women my size. Finally we got our room. Donn really needed a break at that time so Heather and I walked around the maternity ward trying to get things going and trying to turn Sam so he wouldn’t be sideways. After awhile I let the midwife break the rest of my water in hopes that that would pick up labor. It did.

The roller coaster began as soon as the rest of my water was broken. My contractions were much harder and they seemed closer together. I sat in a rocking chair and I remember trying to find a focal point. I didn’t bring anything to focus on. At on point it was a picture on the wall, and then it was the design on the nurse’s shirt. Her shirt had abstract colorful designs on it and I could imagine different things every time I looked at it. Later Heather told me that this was when I was in transition, all I know is that I was growling like an anger momma bear one minute and in a trance the next. This part was the hardest for Donn. I never thought how exhausting it would be to watch someone you love go through so much pain and there was nothing to be done about it. He cried. In between contractions I was more concerned with him than I was my own pain. Through each contraction I kept reminding myself this too shall pass.

After the rocking chair they tried to get me to poop and pee. I had nothing to do with that. The toilet was the least comfortable place for me to be, and I knew that I was not going to be able to do what they wanted me to do. With no success I then moved to the bed to lie on my side. I didn’t much like this position either. Heather and Donn were able to apply counter pressure to my back though from this position. It didn’t do much good though. They wanted me to try to empty myself one more time, which I was not too pleased about but I was able to pee a little. I asked in a not so nice tone at that point “I peed can I get up?!” it was really very uncomfortable.

From there I was then told to get n the bed on all fours. I liked this position; it helped with the back labor. The midwife pulled the cart of goodies {surgical tools} next to the bed. The nurse commented that we wouldn’t need it yet and she said we would. Her thought was that I would push Sam out relatively quick due to the fact that he was large and sideways. I think she was trying to avoid a caesarian, which had happened to people I know that had similar situations. The next thing I know I am asked to push, I was not ready for that request I think, but I pushed. It was no effort really it came very natural. That is until the ring of fire. When I reached the ring of fire I though no more I couldn’t push through that. That was my only tie of doubt. It didn’t last long, my body took over and the next thing I knew I had given birth to Sam.

I asked Donn later what I was like at this moment because I was in such a zone that I have little memory. His answer was that I was like a momma bear asking for my baby, asking if he was all right. Now because I was on all fours it was a challenge to get him to my breast while the umbilical cord was still intact but we did it very carefully. I kissed him and told him everything was all right.

He took to breastfeeding immediately, I was so happy. All my exhaustion had disappeared. When they decided to cut the umbilical cord we decided Heather should do it and she was so excited.