Dare I say "childfree"???

It was recently brought to my attention a blog thread debating about "childfree". Read it here

Since the comments were closed I thought I would share my thoughts here.

First regarding the taxes for schooling issue: I homeschool my kids and I happily pay my taxes for the schools that we are not using because the kids that use those schools will some day be adults. Adults that will be most likely join the work force and be paying taxes into social security that I will (hopefully) someday get. These children will grow up to be adults that may become the nurses that wipe my ass if I become old and need assistance or maybe they will just come and sit with me and chat in the home (I hope I do not end up in a home but it could happen- you never know). The fact of the matter is that even the "childfree" adults reaped the benefit of taxes for schooling as children going through the school system.

Second regarding the infertility treatments: This one seems really out of left field. From the information I have most infertility treatment is NOT covered by insurance, it is an out of pocket cost for the desire to have children. When infertility treatments may be covered by insurance and you are concerned about it bringing up your insurance cost- it can be equated to my insurance costs being higher to support that cost of people who need extensive medical care because they choose to eat like shit their whole lives and not take care of themselves. I try to eat healthy, take care of myself and rarely use the medical system or pharmaceuticals. It is a crap shoot when dealing with private insurance. Fat unhealthy people ore more of a problem than folks who choose infertility treatment - other than the fact that once conditions usually takes a person out of the population and the other can add a person to the population.

Third regarding the cost of Childbirth: Ha ha ha... where do I start? I totally agree that the cost of childbirth in this country is disgusting. I am a birth activist and a birth worker and could really expand on this but I will keep it short. Childbirth is major revenue for most hospitals. As with most things it is a business and a business that makes $$$. I agree that it should not be about $$$ and about proper health care but like the second point I take a chance when I get insurance coverage that I am paying for a lot of shit for a lot of other folks that I have no control over. I had my second child at home and paid for it out of my own pocket a whole whopping $2000 (that is for prenatal, birth through 3-4 postpartum visits) for amazing care. More thorough, attentive and personal care than I got "in the system" with my first birth which the birth alone was $6000 (i cannot imagine how much the total was with prenatals, testing, ultrasounds, and that one postpartum visit). This is a ten year old article but not too much has changed in ten years and what has changes is not for the better - birth centers closing, the c-section rate going up to 30% and womens choices being taken away. Choices that would lower overall childbirth costs.

Fourth the pity factor: I do not pity you at all. The "childfree" have a freedom I do not have. They do not have the weight of raising another human being not to be an asshole. They do not have the stress of fighting with little irrational people. That is your choice and right as a "childfree" person and I would not change a damn thing about my life and the choices I made to have my children. I was pitied by my "childfree" friends when I had my unexpected child at 25 but from a distance. It was hard and it sucked and no one was there to help me. I am very aware of the "childfree" culture. I have changed diapers in the front seat of cars with the door open for room in hail storms because the bathroom did not have a changing table, I have breast fed my child on a toilet in a restaurant, I have gotten looks of contempt for taking my quiet well behaved children places, among other things. So you get no pity here and I do feel that most of you that feel pitied are being a little too sensitive - be a duck and let it roll off your back if they pity you then it is their ignorance. Let it go.

Fifth in regards to the "you had ‘em, they are your problem, expect nothing from me, and by-the-way, could you make them shut up?": This made me think of when I went out to brunch with some friends of mine (with out quiet well behaved children - we were armed with mini princesses to distract them) and a few tables over there was a family with an adult that was mentally impaired that had tendencies of turrets. This person was loud at times, very loud. I thought it was great that these folks could go out as a family including that special needs family member. Should I have interrupted this family and asked them to "shut up" their special needs adult member for the sake of my perfect civilized brunch experience? Do I mind that I pay into their health care needs? Do I not hold the door open for them as it takes them three times as long to get out the door because they are also disabled? We must remember that our culture generally looks on our elderly as we look at our children. Should I say to the "childfree" "expect nothing from me or mine as you get older and may need assistance, and by-the-way wipe your own ass"?And as for myself, I expect nothing but the same patience and understanding for myself and my child that you would offer any other human being.

This debate reminds me of my thoughts on vegans (sorry if i offend any vegans out there). We are privileged to live in a society that we have the opportunity to be so picky and opinionated about what we and others eat. Many places you eat what you have or die be it rice or rat. We are also privileged to live in a society that we can have such idealistic and lofty separatist ideas of family and society. Many places you would live in a 900 square foot house with your parents, aunts, grandparents and other extended family breeders and "childfree" alike working towards sustaining.

I did find many of the comments on the original blog post ill-founded generalizations and misinformed. I do not care if you are "childfree" that is your choice so live your "childfree" life but do not do things like go to the Corner Brewery (a family friendly brew pub) and bitch about kids being there. You have every other bar in town that is not family friendly. The "childfree" have the majority of public places built to their needs not mine as a breeder. We do not live in a family friendly culture.

I need to go garden now while my crotch droppings and the neighbors crotch droppings play delightfully together. Have a lovely Sunday.