I smile when I am sad and cry when I am happy

These are two manifestations of emotion that I have had a hard time explaining to my children. They seem like oxymoron's to them but make perfect sense to me.

This past Tuesday after class four a lovely couple asked me if I were available to be their doula this fall. I politely told them I am on sabbatical for an unknown amount of time. I could see through her body language slightly deflate at my answer. They were just the kind of couple I would hope would ask me to be their doula. We continued to chat a bit and I felt myself thinking about making an exception, then keeping my boundaries, then thinking they would be great clients, then keeping my boundaries, then..... this continued in my head into the drive home and into the next morning. I was sad about having to say no but I knew it was for the best. I smiled in my sadness because sometimes good things and sad things come together.

Today is my birthday. This morning my lovely children greeted me with hugs and love. My mom brought me coffee and breakfast in bed. I GOT TO READ IN BED FOR A HALF HOUR! I had a house full of amazing women all day with kids running around like crazy banshees. My wonderful husband got me a great book on preserving food. It is the greatest birthday ever but it all started with me getting out of bed and putting my two feet firmly on the floor, having the strong feeling that today is the start of something new. I don't know what that new is but I am open, ready and willing to ride this pony wherever it takes me. Today I cry because I am happy and so very blessed.