haywired

there is a misconception about me, being that i am a birth worker folks assume that i like hanging out with little babies.

now i am not anti-baby i am just much more comfortable around babies when their mother is around. or father for that matter. holding a fussy or crying baby sends crazy stress triggers through my body making me very tense.

i love holding newborns especially within the first few hours. i find it fascinating. but beyond that i know i do not have what they need now what they want and i really honor that.

now if the mom or dad really NEEDED a break because they were about to go postal or have a breakdown i can step up to the plate with flying colors because at that time although the baby thinks being with mommy is the best place on the planet i know that it is not. i am good with that.

i dont get the baby itch. i never had a burning need to be/get pregnant. i never had a great draw to them as a young person so i must come to the conclusion that i am just not wired as such. i did ok in my childrens baby years, in a survival sense, but i would win no awards i will tell you that now. i was blessed that i decided to breastfeed - i think that was my saving grace. i loved my kids as babies but it was definitely not our strong point in the parenting path.

we are now finding that we (donn and i) are just more suited to the older child. the questioner, the thinker, the kids who do the darndest things. i am good with that.