hey a week later and again sleep deprived

no sleep in two days and i am ok. should be in bed. but thoughts flood my brain and i want to scream, laugh, cry.
i want to be four years old again. when i had everything figured out.

i was at a birth last night and today. my clients are well and settling in as a new family. but all day as i walked back and forth in the hall of the hospital i had to pass a group of people, an extended family, sitting. heads hung faces blank in sadness and denial. it seems the newest member of their family- a grandchild, niece, nephew, son or daughter- died that morning in childbirth. i over heard a phone conversation of "they took the baby with forceps wrapped it up and took it away. they dont know what happened". all day my heart has been breaking for that family especially a woman i have never met. today her heart was ripped out. at home i am sure they had a nursery set up for the homecoming. a room that may sit untouched for sometime or be torn apart immediately in rage. her milk will come in her body will physically have to heal while her arms are empty. i could not imagine.

and just now as i type i get a lovely text message from the family that became today.
"thank you so much 4 sharing in our journey. our girl is so perfect. you were so wonderful today. thanks again!!!"
a beautiful new family that is starting the long amazing rocky road today. her milk will come in and her arms will be full. the new parents will be tired.. no exhausted- but so in love with their beautiful gift.