Talking to myself

Recently in therapy my therapist offered her thoughts on our/my decision to homeschool. Her intentions were all good and she was just offering perspective with the thought of my sanity and "me time" in mind. Helping me find a balance in my world is part of her job that I am hiring her for. I listened and thought about what she said and agreed with some of it but we are homeschoolers through and through.
We are a busy homeschooling family. My husband works full time, goes to school full time (although he is finally taking the summer off) for his undergrad and I have always worked opposite shifts or creative emplyment to make ends meet. It has not been an easy road and there have been many stumbles along the way but we make it work.
Only fleetingly have we thought about putting the kids in school but no serious conversation has ever been had on the subject. Usually the fleeting though has come from our self doubt in our ability to "teach" the kids or just plain frustration (and that has not been infrequent over the years). We grow and change and the kids grow and change and with growth comes growing pains. No it is not easy, actually it is damn hard. It has been a huge leap of faith and a huge lesson in trust in my kids, their abilities and that they actually do know what is best for themselves a lot of the time (but not always ;) but really do any of us)
Recently I have made a professional shift in hopes to be more present for my kids and my family. It had the desired effect and I am so grateful. We are still shifting from old ways to new. It will be another few months of adjusting but this new shift and the bean turning five (!) my heart swells and my mind is open to all the amazing fun and growth we will be sharing together as a family and with our new friends we made this year in the homeschool communities.

~Today the monkey's face looked different, his tanned skin and rosey cheeks under his ice blue eyes, slimmer in the trunk, taller. He now does not want to cut his hair, he is growing it out or wearing it shaggy I guess. He is getting older. As beautiful and smart as ever my wonderful son. I will still curl you up on my lap and sing you "hush little baby" as you snuggle into my shoulder although your legs dangle over swinging your Frodo feet.

~My lovely daughter struggling through four almost to five. Looking for her place in the universe. Loves her hair done (although not brushed), taking her red purse to the store (which can be quite a production), making lists, likes things just so, and is so loving to others. In a couple of weeks she goes to Safety Town a big mile stone in our house. Her brother has been preparing her. This coming year will be full of dance classes, piano, and other activities along the way. I still wake up to the sweet smell of her head every morning "i love you mama" *wiggle*wiggle*wiggle* "its mo-ning time"

I am learning to enjoy the slow although we are very busy. To breathe and enjoy - maybe even forgo many ideas, goals and hopes I have until later. I will always have later but now is slipping away. I want my now with the three of them - every minute of it.