off call

i am off call for the first time in ages. it is an odd and wonderful feeling. just the gray cloud that i would carry everyday of the possible call that i would have to drop my life on a dime. it is amazing the stress that gets built up if you do it long enough. feeling like i am always working even thought i am not technically. tied to my cell phone. feeling like i cannot do certain things in fear that i will get called in the middle. i have had two other separate birth working on call folk bring up these same points to me since i have brought up that i am off call. this realization makes me feel better about what i charge to be on call. i was questioning it but being able to step back and see how being on call effects myself and my family puts it in perspective.

i am a night person and never feel like i can stay up just in case i get called. i get most things done in the late night- i am the productive owl. i feel like i can stay up and relax with my amazing and supportive husband. plan for the next day knowing i will be present to execute (or attempt to execute) my plans for the day.

i love what i do but i do need to have more intentional off call periods. because i was getting to the point where i wanted to flush my cell phone down the toilet and move north to live in my yurt on jerky and yogurt.